Have you ever noticed that on comercials for sleep aids they list drowsyness as a possible side effect?
I find it really funny, but it sort of got me thinking.
People do things that have certain natural outcomes or consequences, and then get suprised (and sometimes upset) when those things actually happen.
Say for instance, someone goes out and drinks too much, they get drunk, and then the following day they're suprised by their hangover or possibly the things they did while drunk.
But it's not always negative that suprises people. Positive outcomes can be just as suprising and sometimes puzzling.
Are we really that dumb? Or maybe it's numbness, not dumbness that causes the problem. Maybe we're so consumed by disappointment and apathy that we can't really see what's coming, or we don't really expect it to actually happen.
What do you think?
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Interesting Appointment
We had a dr. appointment today. After waiting a LONG time (perhaps I need to be more patient...) we finally saw the Dr. She's not sure if Hana is still breech or not, and neither am I, so I get to go for another ultrasound on the 13th to check her position. I havn't gotten any kicks in my ribs yet, but I havn't had as many low kicks today either, that's why I'm not sure if she flipped or not. Last night I promised her a pony if she flipped (one of the "my little pony" ones of course) so maybe that worked.
The Dr. also made some interesting comments. She asked what size shoe I wear (4-5) and put her hand up to mine to measure it (my hands are the size of an average 8-10 y/o). I asked her if she thought my baby was going to be big, and she said "well, big for you, if you were 5'8" I wouldn't say she was big." She was also surprised that all the women in my family were about my size and gave birth vaginally.
So things could get interesting. I also told her that babies in my family usually come early (my brother and I were both about 2 weeks early), so we'll see what happens. The ultrasound will give us a better idea of her size and we'll go from there.
The Dr. also made some interesting comments. She asked what size shoe I wear (4-5) and put her hand up to mine to measure it (my hands are the size of an average 8-10 y/o). I asked her if she thought my baby was going to be big, and she said "well, big for you, if you were 5'8" I wouldn't say she was big." She was also surprised that all the women in my family were about my size and gave birth vaginally.
So things could get interesting. I also told her that babies in my family usually come early (my brother and I were both about 2 weeks early), so we'll see what happens. The ultrasound will give us a better idea of her size and we'll go from there.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Hana's Room
Finally my baby has a place to sleep! It was such a hassle trying to get the crib and such, it's so good to have it almost ready. I sill need to wash everything (I just wanted to put something on the bed for the picture) and get a few more things, but basically her room is ready!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Oompa....Tuba....Tuna....Jew....
Ok, so it could just be because it's way to late at night and I can't sleep, but I found this to be freekishly funny. I couldn't help but sing a long (especailly since they have the words right there for you.
So watch, laugh, enjoy....or just think i'm compltely nuts for getting any entertainment out of this at all
Click here....
So watch, laugh, enjoy....or just think i'm compltely nuts for getting any entertainment out of this at all
Click here....
Friday, September 15, 2006
It's Snowing
Yup, really is. I tried to take a picture, but it's hard to take a picture of snow through a window.
Snow....in September...something is very wrong with that
Snow....in September...something is very wrong with that
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Things I've learned since being Pregnant
I warn any guys who may be reading this, it could be more info than you want/need. You've been warned.
I'm liking being pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant, friends of mine had been pregnant, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be like.
I was so wrong.
There's things that no one tells you about pregnancy, until you get pregnant of course. Then everyone who has ever been pregnant or known someone who is pregnant feels the need to tell you every gory detail.
So here's some of the things I've learned, some from my own experience, some not. To protect myself I'm not going to tell you which are which.
1. Babies kick. Ok, so we all knew that already. The funny thing is, before pregnancy it never occured to me to consider exactly what it is they're kicking. As the uterus grows, it pushes all the other organs around (just like in life, everything gets pushed aside for baby), and so depending on how the baby is positioned, he/she has great access to lots of fun parts. Diaphram, stomache, intestines, bladder, liver, ribs, rectum, cervix, apendix. Oh so much fun....
2. People like pregnant ladies. In fact, some people like pregnant ladies so much that they feel they can ask any question, touch them, and share personal information. These things include patting the belly, trying to "listen" to the baby through the belly etc. The questions can be quite interesting. Culturally, asking questions such as how far along are you/when are you due are considered appropriate (well, at least once it becomes obvious to the world that you really are pregnant and not just...um...round...), but there are still some questions people ask that are a little too much. Things like "are you dialated yet?", "did you have any problems with contapation/hemeroids?", "how much weight have you gained?" etc. get asked. It's a little much.
3. Things get uncomfortable. Again, no big suprise, there's a big belly with a baby in there. However, this discomfort goes beyoned the mother. The father also has to deal with it - the extra pillows in bed, the constant changing of position, the requests for water/food/foot and back rubs. And it's not just physical discomfort, there's all the emotional and hormonal changes too. Pregnant women have been known to go through the whole spectrum of emotions in a matter of minutes, without provocation. This can make conversations, dinners, movies and arguments quite interesting.
That's all I've got for now. And just so you know, this is all siad tongue-in-cheek. I'm so thrilled to be pregnant, and I love all of this stuff, it's wonderful to be growing a healthy baby inside me.
Oh, and did i mention I'm HUGE? I had at least 6 people today ask me if I was due this month.
I'm liking being pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant, friends of mine had been pregnant, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be like.
I was so wrong.
There's things that no one tells you about pregnancy, until you get pregnant of course. Then everyone who has ever been pregnant or known someone who is pregnant feels the need to tell you every gory detail.
So here's some of the things I've learned, some from my own experience, some not. To protect myself I'm not going to tell you which are which.
1. Babies kick. Ok, so we all knew that already. The funny thing is, before pregnancy it never occured to me to consider exactly what it is they're kicking. As the uterus grows, it pushes all the other organs around (just like in life, everything gets pushed aside for baby), and so depending on how the baby is positioned, he/she has great access to lots of fun parts. Diaphram, stomache, intestines, bladder, liver, ribs, rectum, cervix, apendix. Oh so much fun....
2. People like pregnant ladies. In fact, some people like pregnant ladies so much that they feel they can ask any question, touch them, and share personal information. These things include patting the belly, trying to "listen" to the baby through the belly etc. The questions can be quite interesting. Culturally, asking questions such as how far along are you/when are you due are considered appropriate (well, at least once it becomes obvious to the world that you really are pregnant and not just...um...round...), but there are still some questions people ask that are a little too much. Things like "are you dialated yet?", "did you have any problems with contapation/hemeroids?", "how much weight have you gained?" etc. get asked. It's a little much.
3. Things get uncomfortable. Again, no big suprise, there's a big belly with a baby in there. However, this discomfort goes beyoned the mother. The father also has to deal with it - the extra pillows in bed, the constant changing of position, the requests for water/food/foot and back rubs. And it's not just physical discomfort, there's all the emotional and hormonal changes too. Pregnant women have been known to go through the whole spectrum of emotions in a matter of minutes, without provocation. This can make conversations, dinners, movies and arguments quite interesting.
That's all I've got for now. And just so you know, this is all siad tongue-in-cheek. I'm so thrilled to be pregnant, and I love all of this stuff, it's wonderful to be growing a healthy baby inside me.
Oh, and did i mention I'm HUGE? I had at least 6 people today ask me if I was due this month.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Thoughts
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and I realize I have a habit of not being to good to myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself sometimes, I take things on that I don't need to, i expect a lot from myself.
I should add that I'm not entierly stable sometimes. I'm still what I call "funtioning depressed" - I struggle with depression now and then, but it's not to the point that I feel I need medication. I've been to counseling, I wanted to make sure that it was something manageable and that I would be able to function in ministry. I've leared ways to cope and what is important for me in order to stay healthy. Things like a scedule, eating right, spending time with people, getting plenty of rest.
Here's the problem - when I get stressed out I can't relax, which means I can't sleep. I end up not eating well because, well, I forget (thankfully forgetting to eat while pregnant is hard, so I've been doing pretty good there). I also end up cutting myself off from people because I have no energy (because people energize me and I've cut myself off from them).
Plus, I'm pregnant. Pregnancy does weird things. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a fairly independant and logical person - sometimes to a fault. I have no problem being on my own, finding things to do etc. I'm also logical when dealing with things, I can usually find a good, easy way to solve a problem (which keeps me from wallowing, always a good thing). But now that I'm in my 3rd tri, I just am so needy! Ben will be at his computer 10 feet away from me and I'll have this huge need to have him come and sit with me. I get upset over nothing and can't figure out how to fix it because I'm just so upset. Then I get drustrated at myself because I know that's not me. I'm not like that, really!
So a few weeks ago I had a bit of a breakdown. I was up all night crying, I had just couldn't handle it anymore. A week later I ended up crying through the whole service at church - we were doing a series on the commandments and it was the one about lying, and I realized I had been lying to everyone, telling them I was ok....I was definately not ok.
I talked with the pastor, and we've decided I need to take a break. I used to love what I did for the church, but lately it's just been hard. I blame it on myself (the pressure and expectation) and the pregnancy. I also felt guilty for a while because I wanted to take a break, I wanted to stop and just relax, and I felt like I was giving up or failing. I'm so thankful that Jess is so understanding and supportive.
So as of the end of the month I will have no official responsibilites for the church until January. It's still a little hard to admit that. Some people can handle things better I guess, but I was really almost to the point of being burnt out, especaially with all the pressures of my other job (which I'm finished with on the 20th).
I feel better now. I feel like I can breathe. I can take time for myself and not feel guilty. I plan on using the time to recharge myself, rediscover my passions - which have somehow gotten burried behind everything that "needed" to be done. And when Hana is born I'll be able to just be a mom, at least for a little while, and I'm so thrilled about that.
I'm trying to learn how to take care of myself again, to be good to myself so that I can be useful and good to others.
I should add that I'm not entierly stable sometimes. I'm still what I call "funtioning depressed" - I struggle with depression now and then, but it's not to the point that I feel I need medication. I've been to counseling, I wanted to make sure that it was something manageable and that I would be able to function in ministry. I've leared ways to cope and what is important for me in order to stay healthy. Things like a scedule, eating right, spending time with people, getting plenty of rest.
Here's the problem - when I get stressed out I can't relax, which means I can't sleep. I end up not eating well because, well, I forget (thankfully forgetting to eat while pregnant is hard, so I've been doing pretty good there). I also end up cutting myself off from people because I have no energy (because people energize me and I've cut myself off from them).
Plus, I'm pregnant. Pregnancy does weird things. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a fairly independant and logical person - sometimes to a fault. I have no problem being on my own, finding things to do etc. I'm also logical when dealing with things, I can usually find a good, easy way to solve a problem (which keeps me from wallowing, always a good thing). But now that I'm in my 3rd tri, I just am so needy! Ben will be at his computer 10 feet away from me and I'll have this huge need to have him come and sit with me. I get upset over nothing and can't figure out how to fix it because I'm just so upset. Then I get drustrated at myself because I know that's not me. I'm not like that, really!
So a few weeks ago I had a bit of a breakdown. I was up all night crying, I had just couldn't handle it anymore. A week later I ended up crying through the whole service at church - we were doing a series on the commandments and it was the one about lying, and I realized I had been lying to everyone, telling them I was ok....I was definately not ok.
I talked with the pastor, and we've decided I need to take a break. I used to love what I did for the church, but lately it's just been hard. I blame it on myself (the pressure and expectation) and the pregnancy. I also felt guilty for a while because I wanted to take a break, I wanted to stop and just relax, and I felt like I was giving up or failing. I'm so thankful that Jess is so understanding and supportive.
So as of the end of the month I will have no official responsibilites for the church until January. It's still a little hard to admit that. Some people can handle things better I guess, but I was really almost to the point of being burnt out, especaially with all the pressures of my other job (which I'm finished with on the 20th).
I feel better now. I feel like I can breathe. I can take time for myself and not feel guilty. I plan on using the time to recharge myself, rediscover my passions - which have somehow gotten burried behind everything that "needed" to be done. And when Hana is born I'll be able to just be a mom, at least for a little while, and I'm so thrilled about that.
I'm trying to learn how to take care of myself again, to be good to myself so that I can be useful and good to others.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Photo Blog Updated
Photo blog updated! Might even be a couple belly pics on there if you look real close....
Stresses
Usually, I'm pretty good at handling stress. I get stressed out, I force myself to objectivly look at the situation and find a solution. I solve the problem, and then I indulge in whatever I feel is necesary to make me feel better.
For example, I had my gestational diabeties test this week. The test involves drinking something similar to orange pop, waiting an hour, and then having blood drawn. It's a routien thing and not a bit deal at all. Except for the blood drawn part...at least for me.
I fear needles
Fear isn't really strong enough of a word, but it will do. Now, I realize my reaction to needles is all in my head. In fact, with my history it's amazing that anything like that bothers me at all. I self injured for years, I've twoce stepped on knitting needles and had them go into my foot (one went in about 3 inches). I sew, so I've had innumerable pokes from pins and needles pretty much everywhere. And none of that bothered me.
So, on Wednesday I'm stressing about the GD test, but I'm realing with it. I planed my day to include the test (knowing when it was coming game me a time frame I was allowed to be stressed in, instead of being stressed all day). I had the test (and btw, did really well, didn't cry or pass out or hyperventalate like i usually do), and then took myself out to dinner because I deserved it.
All that to say this, usually, under normal circumstances, I can handle stress in a pretty productive way.
Pregnancy makes me not normal.
My title at the church is "Community Director" - I'm responsible for creating comunity within the church through events, activities and general just getting to know people. On good days I love my job. I'm a people person and I see a great value in people coming together, especailly people from different backgrounds ets. Since I've been pregnant it's been harder for me to do my job well, it takes a suprising ammount of energy to plan an event, especially for someone who is not a natural planner or detail oriented.
Add to that the fact that people in Calgary are busy and I turn itno a mess. After putting all of my energy (however little it was at the time) into an event and having few people come, I was almost ready to throw in the towel. Not only was it frustrating, but, being pregnant, I somtimes tended to personalize it (ok, so I thought no one came because they all hated me.....I smartened up eventually).
The last few events havn't been so much fun. Infact, they've been really stressful, and for some reason I can't just get objective and deal with it and move on. It's been really hard on me (and my wonderful husband) to deal with these things.
Fortunately, the people around me and the people I'm on staff with are amazing. I think instead of learning how to just deal with things, I need to learn to ask for help and let other people know how I'm doing more.
As it is right now, there's an event tomarrow, and for now, I'm ok with that.
For example, I had my gestational diabeties test this week. The test involves drinking something similar to orange pop, waiting an hour, and then having blood drawn. It's a routien thing and not a bit deal at all. Except for the blood drawn part...at least for me.
I fear needles
Fear isn't really strong enough of a word, but it will do. Now, I realize my reaction to needles is all in my head. In fact, with my history it's amazing that anything like that bothers me at all. I self injured for years, I've twoce stepped on knitting needles and had them go into my foot (one went in about 3 inches). I sew, so I've had innumerable pokes from pins and needles pretty much everywhere. And none of that bothered me.
So, on Wednesday I'm stressing about the GD test, but I'm realing with it. I planed my day to include the test (knowing when it was coming game me a time frame I was allowed to be stressed in, instead of being stressed all day). I had the test (and btw, did really well, didn't cry or pass out or hyperventalate like i usually do), and then took myself out to dinner because I deserved it.
All that to say this, usually, under normal circumstances, I can handle stress in a pretty productive way.
Pregnancy makes me not normal.
My title at the church is "Community Director" - I'm responsible for creating comunity within the church through events, activities and general just getting to know people. On good days I love my job. I'm a people person and I see a great value in people coming together, especailly people from different backgrounds ets. Since I've been pregnant it's been harder for me to do my job well, it takes a suprising ammount of energy to plan an event, especially for someone who is not a natural planner or detail oriented.
Add to that the fact that people in Calgary are busy and I turn itno a mess. After putting all of my energy (however little it was at the time) into an event and having few people come, I was almost ready to throw in the towel. Not only was it frustrating, but, being pregnant, I somtimes tended to personalize it (ok, so I thought no one came because they all hated me.....I smartened up eventually).
The last few events havn't been so much fun. Infact, they've been really stressful, and for some reason I can't just get objective and deal with it and move on. It's been really hard on me (and my wonderful husband) to deal with these things.
Fortunately, the people around me and the people I'm on staff with are amazing. I think instead of learning how to just deal with things, I need to learn to ask for help and let other people know how I'm doing more.
As it is right now, there's an event tomarrow, and for now, I'm ok with that.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
14 weeks
I am (according to my ultrasound measurements) around 26 weeks pregnant. I know my ticker says 27, thats because I got it before my first scan.
Being 26 weeks pregnant means that there are only 14 weeks until the end of my pregnancy. Ok, really there are somewhere between 10 and 16 weeks left, but 14 weeks will put me at the 40 week mark, when my baby will be *done*.
I really don't know how I feel about this. I'm super excited of course, but then there's the realization that in just 3 short months (super short if they're anything like the last three months) I will have a life in my hands.
Someone asked me today if I'm nervous about being a parent. Besides the possibility of completely messing up the life of an innocent human being, I'm completely thrilled about it. I've always wanted to be a parent. I've always wanted to be able to raise a child, to pass on what I've learned, to teach them and guide them and watch them grow in all ways.
In the meantime, my precious little girl has been moving around so much I think she's trying to break out of my belly. I feel like that guy from the alien movie.
And I know, I know, no belly pic yet. It's coming, I promise. My mother's been bugging me for one too, so when she gets hers I'll post it here too.
Being 26 weeks pregnant means that there are only 14 weeks until the end of my pregnancy. Ok, really there are somewhere between 10 and 16 weeks left, but 14 weeks will put me at the 40 week mark, when my baby will be *done*.
I really don't know how I feel about this. I'm super excited of course, but then there's the realization that in just 3 short months (super short if they're anything like the last three months) I will have a life in my hands.
Someone asked me today if I'm nervous about being a parent. Besides the possibility of completely messing up the life of an innocent human being, I'm completely thrilled about it. I've always wanted to be a parent. I've always wanted to be able to raise a child, to pass on what I've learned, to teach them and guide them and watch them grow in all ways.
In the meantime, my precious little girl has been moving around so much I think she's trying to break out of my belly. I feel like that guy from the alien movie.
And I know, I know, no belly pic yet. It's coming, I promise. My mother's been bugging me for one too, so when she gets hers I'll post it here too.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I love my belly!
While at work tonight two people asked me when I was due (both of whom were shocked to find out I was only 5 and a half months and only carying one baby)
That was the first time it's happened to me, and I love it. Complete strangers are aware of the miracle, the life that is forming inside me. It's so wonderful I can't even understand it.
I've always wanted to be a mother. I used to joke about wanting huge ammounts of kids. To have my little girl inside me, to feel her moving and kicking, to see my growing belly and knowing it means she is growing.
so wonderful
That was the first time it's happened to me, and I love it. Complete strangers are aware of the miracle, the life that is forming inside me. It's so wonderful I can't even understand it.
I've always wanted to be a mother. I used to joke about wanting huge ammounts of kids. To have my little girl inside me, to feel her moving and kicking, to see my growing belly and knowing it means she is growing.
so wonderful
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Travelogue
I disapeared for a week.
Ok, not really, as much as I want to some times I still havn't really learned how to disappear.
I went back to NB for a week to visit my family and it was wonderful. I got to see almost everyone, which ment quite a bit of running around, but I aso got to sleep a lot, so it was ok.
In baby news, things are going well, but she seems to have put my back and hips out of alignment. In the words of my mother, i'm crooked.
I'll have pics up later, need to download them first
Ok, not really, as much as I want to some times I still havn't really learned how to disappear.
I went back to NB for a week to visit my family and it was wonderful. I got to see almost everyone, which ment quite a bit of running around, but I aso got to sleep a lot, so it was ok.
In baby news, things are going well, but she seems to have put my back and hips out of alignment. In the words of my mother, i'm crooked.
I'll have pics up later, need to download them first
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
The deep deep love of God
The Bible is a love story. It's the typical love story really - boy creates girl, has mad passionate love for her, girl gets distracted and runs after others, this happens for centuries until the relationship is corrupted and broken, respebling nothing of what it was originally meant to be, so boy dies for girl so they can (eventually) live happily ever after.
The love of God amazes me. I just finished reading the book of Hosea (one of my favorites) and it captures this dynamic so well. As I was eading I started to cry as God spoke to me of His broken heart towards His people - the ones He has created and called and redeemed, but who still turn away. God hates divorce, but has permitted it as a last resort in cases of unfaithfulness. By His own word to Us He is free to abandon us to our pain and suffering and misery as we continue to seek after other things instead of Him. The more we reject Him and lavish our lives and our love on others the more He is justified in leaving us to the eternal consequences of our actions.
but He doesn't.
Stop reading. Go back up a few lines, think about that.
The deep love of God is to pursue us, to romance us, to awake a desire within us for Him that reflects but could never match the desire that He has for us. Even while we must face the consequences of our actions and our disobedience, He never leaves us but continually calles out for us to return to Him.
There is no lost cause in the eyes of God. Those people that we often write off as having gone too far,that feeling I'm sure most have experienced, wondering if they have crossed the line, if they can still be used by Him.
The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star, and reaches to the lowest hell.
The guilty pair, bowed down with care. God gave his Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled, and pardoned from this sin.
O love of God how rich and pure! how measureless and strong!
It shall forever more endure. The saint's and angels song!
When years of time shall pass away, and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray, On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure, All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam's race The saint's and angels song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Tho stretched from sky to sky.
O love of God how rich and pure! how measureless and strong!
It shall forever more endure. The saint's and angels song!
The love of God amazes me. I just finished reading the book of Hosea (one of my favorites) and it captures this dynamic so well. As I was eading I started to cry as God spoke to me of His broken heart towards His people - the ones He has created and called and redeemed, but who still turn away. God hates divorce, but has permitted it as a last resort in cases of unfaithfulness. By His own word to Us He is free to abandon us to our pain and suffering and misery as we continue to seek after other things instead of Him. The more we reject Him and lavish our lives and our love on others the more He is justified in leaving us to the eternal consequences of our actions.
but He doesn't.
Stop reading. Go back up a few lines, think about that.
The deep love of God is to pursue us, to romance us, to awake a desire within us for Him that reflects but could never match the desire that He has for us. Even while we must face the consequences of our actions and our disobedience, He never leaves us but continually calles out for us to return to Him.
There is no lost cause in the eyes of God. Those people that we often write off as having gone too far,that feeling I'm sure most have experienced, wondering if they have crossed the line, if they can still be used by Him.
The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star, and reaches to the lowest hell.
The guilty pair, bowed down with care. God gave his Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled, and pardoned from this sin.
O love of God how rich and pure! how measureless and strong!
It shall forever more endure. The saint's and angels song!
When years of time shall pass away, and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray, On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure, All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam's race The saint's and angels song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Tho stretched from sky to sky.
O love of God how rich and pure! how measureless and strong!
It shall forever more endure. The saint's and angels song!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Thoughts on Love
Love is a much over used word. Over my life I have told many people I love them. For some close friends I can not imagine another way to express my appriciation and devotion to them. In my younger days, the phrase "I love you" would far too easily roll off my tongue.
I would have an experience with someone. They would be handsom, sweet, charming. I'd feel feminine, beautiful, sensual, and I would equate all of that with love. Eventually, the feelings would fade and I'd become withdrawn and unavailable. They would get frustrated with me and eventually end things. It was always for the best, few of them were worth my time and none were worth my heart.
My first year of Bethany, I decided to make some changes. No more flirting, no more teasing, no more giving away my heart. I made a vow not to date, to take time to know myself and those around me. This went so far that when a friend of mine tried to set me up with Ben I was dead set against it. Besides, he was not even close to my type. He was a nice guy, very sweet, a good friend, but that was all.
Over the months that Ben and I were friends, he began to woo me. I can't descibe it any other way. There was no flirting (at least not the kind I was used to), no games, no pressure. He cared for me, sought me, opened himself to me and drew me in to him. Over that year I fell in love with him, and by the time we started dating I already knew I could marry him.
There have been times in my life when I have encountered aspects of God. His power, might and creativity. I have felt alive in His presence, grown to know myself better, felt as though I could take on the world. When those feelings faded, I have become withdrawn and unavailable.
Lately, I have been drawn to the story of Hosea, of Gomer and God and the nation of Israel.
Hosea 2:14 speaks of wooing, of the lover drawing His love away from all others and "speaking kindly". I feel as though lately God has been wooing me, causing me to run away with Him, drawing me in, caring for me, opening Himself to me.
I am in awe of God, and I think now I am finally beginnig to truly fall in love with God
better late than never I guess....
I would have an experience with someone. They would be handsom, sweet, charming. I'd feel feminine, beautiful, sensual, and I would equate all of that with love. Eventually, the feelings would fade and I'd become withdrawn and unavailable. They would get frustrated with me and eventually end things. It was always for the best, few of them were worth my time and none were worth my heart.
My first year of Bethany, I decided to make some changes. No more flirting, no more teasing, no more giving away my heart. I made a vow not to date, to take time to know myself and those around me. This went so far that when a friend of mine tried to set me up with Ben I was dead set against it. Besides, he was not even close to my type. He was a nice guy, very sweet, a good friend, but that was all.
Over the months that Ben and I were friends, he began to woo me. I can't descibe it any other way. There was no flirting (at least not the kind I was used to), no games, no pressure. He cared for me, sought me, opened himself to me and drew me in to him. Over that year I fell in love with him, and by the time we started dating I already knew I could marry him.
There have been times in my life when I have encountered aspects of God. His power, might and creativity. I have felt alive in His presence, grown to know myself better, felt as though I could take on the world. When those feelings faded, I have become withdrawn and unavailable.
Lately, I have been drawn to the story of Hosea, of Gomer and God and the nation of Israel.
Hosea 2:14 speaks of wooing, of the lover drawing His love away from all others and "speaking kindly". I feel as though lately God has been wooing me, causing me to run away with Him, drawing me in, caring for me, opening Himself to me.
I am in awe of God, and I think now I am finally beginnig to truly fall in love with God
better late than never I guess....
Friday, June 16, 2006
I have a question...
for those of you who know how to do fancy things to your blog...i have two 26 second clips of my baby that I would like to put on my blog. They're both in avi format, but ben also has them in quicktime format. How do I make it work?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
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