Saturday, August 19, 2006


Usually, I'm pretty good at handling stress. I get stressed out, I force myself to objectivly look at the situation and find a solution. I solve the problem, and then I indulge in whatever I feel is necesary to make me feel better.

For example, I had my gestational diabeties test this week. The test involves drinking something similar to orange pop, waiting an hour, and then having blood drawn. It's a routien thing and not a bit deal at all. Except for the blood drawn least for me.

I fear needles

Fear isn't really strong enough of a word, but it will do. Now, I realize my reaction to needles is all in my head. In fact, with my history it's amazing that anything like that bothers me at all. I self injured for years, I've twoce stepped on knitting needles and had them go into my foot (one went in about 3 inches). I sew, so I've had innumerable pokes from pins and needles pretty much everywhere. And none of that bothered me.

So, on Wednesday I'm stressing about the GD test, but I'm realing with it. I planed my day to include the test (knowing when it was coming game me a time frame I was allowed to be stressed in, instead of being stressed all day). I had the test (and btw, did really well, didn't cry or pass out or hyperventalate like i usually do), and then took myself out to dinner because I deserved it.

All that to say this, usually, under normal circumstances, I can handle stress in a pretty productive way.

Pregnancy makes me not normal.

My title at the church is "Community Director" - I'm responsible for creating comunity within the church through events, activities and general just getting to know people. On good days I love my job. I'm a people person and I see a great value in people coming together, especailly people from different backgrounds ets. Since I've been pregnant it's been harder for me to do my job well, it takes a suprising ammount of energy to plan an event, especially for someone who is not a natural planner or detail oriented.

Add to that the fact that people in Calgary are busy and I turn itno a mess. After putting all of my energy (however little it was at the time) into an event and having few people come, I was almost ready to throw in the towel. Not only was it frustrating, but, being pregnant, I somtimes tended to personalize it (ok, so I thought no one came because they all hated me.....I smartened up eventually).

The last few events havn't been so much fun. Infact, they've been really stressful, and for some reason I can't just get objective and deal with it and move on. It's been really hard on me (and my wonderful husband) to deal with these things.

Fortunately, the people around me and the people I'm on staff with are amazing. I think instead of learning how to just deal with things, I need to learn to ask for help and let other people know how I'm doing more.

As it is right now, there's an event tomarrow, and for now, I'm ok with that.

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