Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thank you for loving me....

Than You for saving me, what can I say?
You are my everything, I will sing Your praise

I was just struck by the love of God

It's funny how we can know something, and we can feel it, and we can experience it, and still never understand it, never know it, never really feel it and completely miss out on it at the same time.

God always loves me, just as much today as every other day. But I don't always feel it, don't always know it. And anytime I think I do, I'm always shocked and amazed at how limited my view is.

You shed Your blood for me, what can I say?
You took me sin and shame
A sinner called by name

Most of the people who read this probably don't know this, but by my own power I would not be alive right now. I spent a long time depressed and lost in my own pain. I reached the point where I couldn't do it any more, couldn't win God's love, I just wasn't good enough. So I told Him that He had to fix it or I couldn't go on.

I guess I was asking God to prove that He loved me, even though I was far from where He wanted me to be.

Great is the Lord
Great is the Lord
For we know Your truth has set us free
You've set Your hope in me

Even after that amazing experience I still forget that amazing, wonderful unconditional love. I experienced saving grace in a very literal sense, and I still forget, I still worry, I still wonder if things *really* will work out or not.

In short, I'm stupid.

I won't say I'm human, because true humanity, my restored humanity, is secure in God. Doubting God isn't human, it's sinful.

Mercy and grace are mine, forgiven is my sin
Jesus, my only hope, the Saviour of the world

God loves me. No, that's not enough, it's not just me He loves.

God loves humanity, God loves His creation, and everything about Him is about restoring it to what we all should be experiencing.

How could I forget that? How can I miss that.

"Great is the Lord" we cry
God let Your Kingdom come
Your word has let me see
Thank You for saving me

I think the reason we forget the love of God is because we don't live it. We keep trying to do life by ourselves. We keep trying to earn God's love instead of living in it. There is freedom in love.

I don't know how to change this, but I know God is renewing my mind so that His love, His plan is rooted in my very heart, my very soul.

Maybe right now experiencing God's love all the time would be too much for me.....

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I have (not) arrived

I'm working full time at a job and part time with a church. My husband has a full time job and is co-director of children's ministries at the same church. Once we get a house, it would be safe to say we've settled, that we've arrived, that we're doing what we will be for the rest of our lives.

But that's not it.

This isn't what we want to be doing for the rest of our lives. I love my job at the store, but I will only be there as long as necessary. I want to be full time at the Summit, but that just can't happen right now.

And I see the faces of people as they dig in to what God has said and I see the changes in them as God grabs hold of their hearts and it makes me praise and all of me desires to do that all the time.

But I can't.

And Ben loves his job too. It's a little frustrating at times because of the schedule, but he likes it, and once he's been there a little longer the pay will be great. But it's not where he's supposed to be either. When we can, he's going to go back to school, and when God says we're ready, we're going to go to Japan.

It's hard to be in the in between. To do what we need to do just so we can get to the next step. Or maybe it's just hard for me because I lack patience.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


I think differently than a lot of people. Well, not really, I just think differently than a lot of people I know.

This causes problems, because things I say, while making perfect sense to me, make little or no sense to them. Or, even worse, are taken completely in the wrong way. This is what happens when two people are speaking two different languages. Words are not absolute, they are fluid, and can have any meaning that a person chooses to give them at a time.

This becomes especially frustrating when talking to people about God. For some, hearing about God as "Leader" of their life is a perfectly pleasant and wonderful idea....for others, it gives a sort of "ick" feeling for some unknown reason. Not that leader is a bad way of describing the relationship we can have with God, no worse or better than Master, Saviour, Father, Lord, King etc. Slightly less biblical (then again, any english word isn't technically biblical) but not better or worse.

The meanings (some people call them connotations, but when the "usual" meaning of a word is swallowed in connotations ...say like the word's safe to say the meaning has changed) of words depend on our experiences, on our worldview and, at times, on our moods.

So with all this mess in the way, how can real communication take place?

I'm learning through experience that the key to communication is not speaking but listening. Through listening we can learn the meaning of the words the other person is using, then fit them in to what we are saying. Without listening there is no communication, only noise, only confusion, frustration, pain.

So why don't we listen? Obviously, because we want to be heard. However, if we want others to know our story, the way we think, the way we feel, what matters to us, we must first listen. We must agree upon a langauge, and stop the noise.

It's amazing what you can learn about a person when you listen.

Monday, September 19, 2005

A new thought on Truth

I'm reading "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell right now, and it's really streching me in the very best of ways. What is sticking out to me most though is his discussion of truth, and the need to claim truth all around us.

I have always understood that Christianity does not have a monopoly on truth. Why Jesus is the Way, Truth and Life, there are other religions that, in their quest to fing God, have found glimpses of truth. Rob Bell takes this idea further and proclaims the need for Christians, as heirs with Christ, to claim truth wherever they see it.

This is really a freeing concept. No need to feel that we cannot practice certain things that are found in other religions just because they are found in other religons. Dance is a part of religous cerimony in many cultures because they realize the truth that dace can be a way to connect with God. Yes, they misuse that truth, but I, as a Christian, can claim it and feel free to dance before my Lord and King.

There is no need to feel anxious or nervous when we find ourselves agreeing wth priciples or beliefs of other religions, if it is true, it is God, an we can claim it, like Paul did when he spoke to those on Mars Hill about their own poets knowing the truth that we were created by God, even if they did not know the God they were refering to. We can use this commmon ground to build bridges, to bring people together and show them the Ultimate Truth instead of just telling them that they are wrong.

I like this idea