Things are starting to settle into a rythm now. Hana had a bit of a rough transition, but we figured out most of that was because she's working on her second set of molars - not such a fun process, but at least there's a reason for her screaming (I was worried she just hated me, so it's good to know that's not the case).
She loves Eli to pieces. She wants to hold him, and rubs his head, puts stickers on his clothes and gets all excited when he wakes up. There are moments of jelousy, especially around sleep times, but in all she's handling everything really well. I'm very proud of her.
Eli is doing great - he's already outgrown some clothes! He spends most of his day either nursing or sleeping, with some great arm and leg flailing thrown in between.
And now Hana's up, so the rest of this will have to wait until later.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
21 months
Hana is 21 months old. I can't believe how much she has grown lately, especially during the two weeks she was with her grandparents. I look at pictures of her from a year ago and I'm just amazed - she's almost not a baby any more. Every day she looks more grown up.
She's learning so much. She can count to 5, knows some letters and colours, and knows our daily routine. She is always so excited about life, every experience is just an amazing thing to her. When she laughs, she laughs with her whole body, heart and soul.
This transition has been a little rough on her, as we expected. She loves her little brother - she points out his eyes and nose and mouth and hair, she gets excited when he's awake, she calls him "'Li"- it's adorable. I can't wait to see all the wonderful things she teaches him.
She is the child who made me a mother, and her personality, her uniqueness and gifts have made me the mother that I am, and I am so greatful to her.
She's learning so much. She can count to 5, knows some letters and colours, and knows our daily routine. She is always so excited about life, every experience is just an amazing thing to her. When she laughs, she laughs with her whole body, heart and soul.
This transition has been a little rough on her, as we expected. She loves her little brother - she points out his eyes and nose and mouth and hair, she gets excited when he's awake, she calls him "'Li"- it's adorable. I can't wait to see all the wonderful things she teaches him.
She is the child who made me a mother, and her personality, her uniqueness and gifts have made me the mother that I am, and I am so greatful to her.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
a vbac story
Prodromal labour started at 37ish wks. I was 2cm dialated and everyone (Dr, doula, family, myself) figured baby would come pretty darn quick. It didn't. July 11th we sent Hana to her grandparents and Ben started his parental leave - again thinking things would start soon. We figured this would be the best way for me to be able to relax and prepare myself for labour. I also wanted to labour at home as long as possible, so having Hana underfoot would have been difficult.
And so things remained until my 40wk appointment. At this point I was getting regular strong ctx every night from about 11-2, and also through the day depending on my activity. I was missing Hana like crazy, but it didn't make sense to bring her home as MIL and FIL live 3 hours away, and labour could still start at any time. It was getting frustrating. To top it off, at that appointment the Dr (one in the group I hadn't seen yet) informed me my cervix was still very long. She wanted to induce me that Friday (25th), but said instead I could just go for a NST and u/s and talk with the gyno and go from there.
So thats what we did. I wasn't happy with the thought of induction for a VBAC, but at least they hadn't scheduled me for a section. I spent the days between appointments doing all I could to encourage labour to start.
Friday morning before my appointment I was woken up at 6 by the ctx. These were really strong and unprovoked - that was a really good sign. I put off calling the hospital until the afternoon, just to give as much time as I could for things to pick up on their own.
At 10 the hospital called me and asked I come in at 1:30. We called our doula and let her know - she decided to come with us, just incase they decided to induce. The appointment went really well - the gyno said baby had lots of fluid, the placenta was still working (tho had started to calcify) and that she'd rather have me go on my own than induce me. Still, an induction was scheduled for Monday, just in case. She said I was nice and soft and less than 50% length, so she stripped me and said she hoped I went on my own over the weekend.
After that, I came home and slept, then went for a walk. In the early evening things started picking up again, and at one point (don't remember the time) we decided to call the doula again. I was having trouble focussing through the ctx on my own and thought I could use the help. Around 3 (I think) things started slowing down again and we all slept. By 8 they were back to the ctx I had been having for weeks and we were all tired and exhausted. The doula went home, Ben and I went back to bed.
We woke up at 12, and as soon as I sat up things were much different. Ctx were more intense (not really more pain at that point, just deeper) and coming ever 7 minutes. I laboured on my own between the birth ball, the bed and the shower until 6 - ctx were 5 minutes appart by then so we called the doula back. After she arrived we walked, focussed, massaged and walked more until the ctx were 2 minutes appart - showtime!
We got to the hossy (less than 5 minutes away). I had a ctx in the car when we arrived. I had another in the parking lot and another inside the door of emerg (it was past 8 so thats how we had to go in). Another on the way to the birthing unit and one more when I got settled in the labour room - it was roughly 9 pm. The nurse checked me and I was a "streachy" 3. I had so been looking forward to the whirlpool tub, but had to wait until I was at least 4.
So we walked. And showered. And went on the birth ball. And walked. They checked me at 11 - no change. More walking, more birth ball, meditation, massage. My hips and back had been killing me for weeks (sciatia and an old muscle injury), and each ctx made the pain in those areas more annoying. Pressure on my back and hips during the ctxs helped, but I was really looking forward to that tub. Ctx had slowed to almost 3 minutes, which didn't surprise us. I had to get a hep-lock (hossy policy to have a line available for a VBAC) and two blood draws, and I'm really nervous about needles. Still, we figured slow progress was still progress, so we had the nurse check me again at 1.
And there was no change. I was slightly more effaced, but I honestly think she just said that because I looked like I was going to cry. She suggested we all try to get some sleep.
Yeah, sleep. With ctx coming every 3 minutes. So we tried. Ben and our doula got a bit (they brought in a cot for Ben and there was a reclining chair in the room, it was nice), but I was having issues. Just when I thought I might drift off I had another ctx and felt something move in an odd way. A few minutes later I really had to pee. As I stood up, the room flooded.
Ok, not really flooded, but it was certainly more water than I had expected. After I felt that ctx before I waited for water, but none came, so the realization that yes, my water HAD broken kind of surprised me. So glad this didn't happen anywhere but at the hospital!
So from that point sleeping was out. We had the nurse check me, I was now 3 and a half. Well, at least there was progress. I laboured on the toilet for a while, then the tub, then the shower, then walking, then the ball. My doula kept commenting how great I was doing and how if I could see myself in a video later I'd think it was so beautiful. I told her I didn't think it was very beautiful. The ctx were coming HARD and at this point seemed like there was barely a minute between them. I was having a very hard time staying on top of them and nothing seemed to work.
At 7 I asked for gas and air. I needed something to take the edge off and nothing was working. The gas was nice, helped me relax through the ctx instead of fighting them. I really thought I was making progress. At 9 I was checked - no change. 12 hours of intense labour and I had gone about half a cm. I was not ok with that. There was no way I could keep going at that pace - first of all it was a VBAC and they wouldn't let me. Secondly, my water had broken so I was on the clock (18 hours and baby needs a NICU stay, 24 hours and it's a c/s). Thirdly, I couldn't handle it emotionally.
After the prodromal labour, the lack of progress and how badly I felt I was dealing with the pain, I felt my body was going to fail me and I would end up with another c/s. I was given two options - pit and an epi, or a c/s.
I took the first option - I was wanting a drug free birth, but more than that I was wanting to avoid a c/s (unless medically necessary, of course), so I chose the epi. Ben and the doula were a little surprised and tried to encourage me to keep going, but I knew that just wasn't going to work. 6 hours with no change, even with the gas and working hard to accapt the pain didn't give me much hope against the clock. I have no regrets about my decision.
It took almost two hours to get the epi. There was a miscommunication between the anestatist and the Dr (wonder what would have happened had I needed an emergency c/s....). In the mean time, I kept on labouring, sometimes with the air, sometimes not. Right before they gave me the epi they checked again - 4 plus! We all found it kind of ironic (and sad in a funny way), but I didn't care, I was so looking forward to some relief!
Remember my fear of needles? Yeah, that includes tubes being inserted in my spine. I didn't cry tho, I was just too excited to get a break from the constant pain. It took no time at all to get it in, and it took effect just as another ctx was coming. Bliss.
It was odd being able to move my legs but not having any real control over how far I moved them - different from the spinal for my c/s where I couldn't move at all. I profusely thanked the epidural man - he was my new best friend. Then they got the synthetic oxytocen going along with an IV line. At this point I was happy to have the hep-lock already in, it just made it one step faster and I didn't have to think about it.
Because of my previous c-section I had to be constantly monitoured, so I had a nurse in the room the whole time and was hooked up to the machine. Didn't really bother me at all seeing as I couldn't move anyway. The only problem was the contractions weren't registering on the monitor very well - I could feel them happening (the pressure) but they just weren't showing up right. No big deal tho - I could still feel enough to know if something went wrong and the nurse was there to watch for signs of rupture or if my uterus couldn't handle the drug.
Once that was all done, I fell asleep. Sleep was good. I'd half wake up every now and then and adjust, but mostly it was just sleep for two and a half hours. When I woke up, I was shivering and felt very nauseous. They figured the nausea was because of the drugs, but couldn't figure out why I was so cold. I got a couple warm blankets, they checked my temp, everything seemed normal. Out of curiosity I mentioned transition (remember I wasn't even 5 cm (after being there for 14 hours!) 3 hours earlier), and the nurse said she'd check me.
So she checks me, and gets this odd look on her face, and I'm thinking "great, still no change, how long will they let me go like this?" and she gets a big smile and says "you're 10cm, you can push with the next contraction".
At first I didn't believe her. There was just no way I could be ready to push already, pushing was still far away as far as I was concerned. I asked her if she was sure, I was excited and a little scared. This was at 2 pm. She started taking the bed apart, let the Dr. know I was ready and at 2:30 I started pushing.
That part was odd. I couldn't feel it at all. My left leg/abdomen was completely numb, my right side had a bit of sensation around my hip and inner pelvis, but that was it. So I did what I thought was a push and everyone said "Great job" so I figured I got it right and kept on going.
The spot on the inner pelvis that still had feeling hurt a lot while I was pushing (found out later there was a loop of cord beside Eli's face on that side, so I'm guessing that's what was causing the problem), as was my hip, but otherwise there was no pain at all. It was a very slow descent - he'd come forward, slide back, over and over again. Ben did so great here - he'd hold my leg while I pushed, feed me ice in between and let me know baby was still coming. I kept asking if there was progress and if baby was tolerating it alright - I wanted to go nice and slow, but knew a lack of progress would be a bad thing. It was so exciting every time he came forward just a bit, and when his head finally didn't slip back there were cheers.
During the pushing there were a couple of bleeds - vaginal tears, nothing serious, but the Dr. still had to check them out. He was wonderful - very patient, laid back, never made me worried about rupture or anything else. Once he was sure the bleed wasn't serious he'd step back and let the nurse take over again. I was really glad of that - so long as he wasn't worried no one else needed to be.
Once we got to the point where he was below my pubic bone I had already been pushing for two hours. They started pushing me to pick up the pace a bit and get him out. I pushed as hard as I could (at least I think that's what I did, I still couldn't feel anything) and then all of a sudden there were more people in the room, there was a warm towel on my chest and the Drs (there was a resident there as well) were getting ready. I was in shock, it seemed so surreal. Then someone said he was crowning, and someone else said there's an ear, and I felt him turn inside me and then slide out.
And I cried and there was this little perfect person on my chest. And he was whimpering and coughing and breathing and turning pink. He didn't cry right away (but was breathing, so not a problem) and I just couldn't believe it. And then I lifted his leg and saw it was a boy and started crying. It was the most beautiful moment. I didn't care that I was naked and splayed, that there were tons of people in the room, it was just me and this perfect little person I had just brought into the world.
Ben cut the cord and after 10 minutes or so they wiped him down and measured him. While I was getting stitched up (which btw seemed to take FOREVER!) he nursed for the first time. They were a little concerned about my bleeding and so had to massage my uterus for a while and start another drip to keep me contracting, but it wasn't too horrible.
I had a second degree tear and a few minor tears that didn't need stitches. Eli had a little trouble regulating his body heat for the first day, but lots of skin to skin time helped with that - he didn't need to spend any time away from me at all. We were discharged on Tuesday and have been doing great since. There was a little trouble with nursing, but a trip to a wonderful LC helped with that and now things are just perfect.
And so things remained until my 40wk appointment. At this point I was getting regular strong ctx every night from about 11-2, and also through the day depending on my activity. I was missing Hana like crazy, but it didn't make sense to bring her home as MIL and FIL live 3 hours away, and labour could still start at any time. It was getting frustrating. To top it off, at that appointment the Dr (one in the group I hadn't seen yet) informed me my cervix was still very long. She wanted to induce me that Friday (25th), but said instead I could just go for a NST and u/s and talk with the gyno and go from there.
So thats what we did. I wasn't happy with the thought of induction for a VBAC, but at least they hadn't scheduled me for a section. I spent the days between appointments doing all I could to encourage labour to start.
Friday morning before my appointment I was woken up at 6 by the ctx. These were really strong and unprovoked - that was a really good sign. I put off calling the hospital until the afternoon, just to give as much time as I could for things to pick up on their own.
At 10 the hospital called me and asked I come in at 1:30. We called our doula and let her know - she decided to come with us, just incase they decided to induce. The appointment went really well - the gyno said baby had lots of fluid, the placenta was still working (tho had started to calcify) and that she'd rather have me go on my own than induce me. Still, an induction was scheduled for Monday, just in case. She said I was nice and soft and less than 50% length, so she stripped me and said she hoped I went on my own over the weekend.
After that, I came home and slept, then went for a walk. In the early evening things started picking up again, and at one point (don't remember the time) we decided to call the doula again. I was having trouble focussing through the ctx on my own and thought I could use the help. Around 3 (I think) things started slowing down again and we all slept. By 8 they were back to the ctx I had been having for weeks and we were all tired and exhausted. The doula went home, Ben and I went back to bed.
We woke up at 12, and as soon as I sat up things were much different. Ctx were more intense (not really more pain at that point, just deeper) and coming ever 7 minutes. I laboured on my own between the birth ball, the bed and the shower until 6 - ctx were 5 minutes appart by then so we called the doula back. After she arrived we walked, focussed, massaged and walked more until the ctx were 2 minutes appart - showtime!
We got to the hossy (less than 5 minutes away). I had a ctx in the car when we arrived. I had another in the parking lot and another inside the door of emerg (it was past 8 so thats how we had to go in). Another on the way to the birthing unit and one more when I got settled in the labour room - it was roughly 9 pm. The nurse checked me and I was a "streachy" 3. I had so been looking forward to the whirlpool tub, but had to wait until I was at least 4.
So we walked. And showered. And went on the birth ball. And walked. They checked me at 11 - no change. More walking, more birth ball, meditation, massage. My hips and back had been killing me for weeks (sciatia and an old muscle injury), and each ctx made the pain in those areas more annoying. Pressure on my back and hips during the ctxs helped, but I was really looking forward to that tub. Ctx had slowed to almost 3 minutes, which didn't surprise us. I had to get a hep-lock (hossy policy to have a line available for a VBAC) and two blood draws, and I'm really nervous about needles. Still, we figured slow progress was still progress, so we had the nurse check me again at 1.
And there was no change. I was slightly more effaced, but I honestly think she just said that because I looked like I was going to cry. She suggested we all try to get some sleep.
Yeah, sleep. With ctx coming every 3 minutes. So we tried. Ben and our doula got a bit (they brought in a cot for Ben and there was a reclining chair in the room, it was nice), but I was having issues. Just when I thought I might drift off I had another ctx and felt something move in an odd way. A few minutes later I really had to pee. As I stood up, the room flooded.
Ok, not really flooded, but it was certainly more water than I had expected. After I felt that ctx before I waited for water, but none came, so the realization that yes, my water HAD broken kind of surprised me. So glad this didn't happen anywhere but at the hospital!
So from that point sleeping was out. We had the nurse check me, I was now 3 and a half. Well, at least there was progress. I laboured on the toilet for a while, then the tub, then the shower, then walking, then the ball. My doula kept commenting how great I was doing and how if I could see myself in a video later I'd think it was so beautiful. I told her I didn't think it was very beautiful. The ctx were coming HARD and at this point seemed like there was barely a minute between them. I was having a very hard time staying on top of them and nothing seemed to work.
At 7 I asked for gas and air. I needed something to take the edge off and nothing was working. The gas was nice, helped me relax through the ctx instead of fighting them. I really thought I was making progress. At 9 I was checked - no change. 12 hours of intense labour and I had gone about half a cm. I was not ok with that. There was no way I could keep going at that pace - first of all it was a VBAC and they wouldn't let me. Secondly, my water had broken so I was on the clock (18 hours and baby needs a NICU stay, 24 hours and it's a c/s). Thirdly, I couldn't handle it emotionally.
After the prodromal labour, the lack of progress and how badly I felt I was dealing with the pain, I felt my body was going to fail me and I would end up with another c/s. I was given two options - pit and an epi, or a c/s.
I took the first option - I was wanting a drug free birth, but more than that I was wanting to avoid a c/s (unless medically necessary, of course), so I chose the epi. Ben and the doula were a little surprised and tried to encourage me to keep going, but I knew that just wasn't going to work. 6 hours with no change, even with the gas and working hard to accapt the pain didn't give me much hope against the clock. I have no regrets about my decision.
It took almost two hours to get the epi. There was a miscommunication between the anestatist and the Dr (wonder what would have happened had I needed an emergency c/s....). In the mean time, I kept on labouring, sometimes with the air, sometimes not. Right before they gave me the epi they checked again - 4 plus! We all found it kind of ironic (and sad in a funny way), but I didn't care, I was so looking forward to some relief!
Remember my fear of needles? Yeah, that includes tubes being inserted in my spine. I didn't cry tho, I was just too excited to get a break from the constant pain. It took no time at all to get it in, and it took effect just as another ctx was coming. Bliss.
It was odd being able to move my legs but not having any real control over how far I moved them - different from the spinal for my c/s where I couldn't move at all. I profusely thanked the epidural man - he was my new best friend. Then they got the synthetic oxytocen going along with an IV line. At this point I was happy to have the hep-lock already in, it just made it one step faster and I didn't have to think about it.
Because of my previous c-section I had to be constantly monitoured, so I had a nurse in the room the whole time and was hooked up to the machine. Didn't really bother me at all seeing as I couldn't move anyway. The only problem was the contractions weren't registering on the monitor very well - I could feel them happening (the pressure) but they just weren't showing up right. No big deal tho - I could still feel enough to know if something went wrong and the nurse was there to watch for signs of rupture or if my uterus couldn't handle the drug.
Once that was all done, I fell asleep. Sleep was good. I'd half wake up every now and then and adjust, but mostly it was just sleep for two and a half hours. When I woke up, I was shivering and felt very nauseous. They figured the nausea was because of the drugs, but couldn't figure out why I was so cold. I got a couple warm blankets, they checked my temp, everything seemed normal. Out of curiosity I mentioned transition (remember I wasn't even 5 cm (after being there for 14 hours!) 3 hours earlier), and the nurse said she'd check me.
So she checks me, and gets this odd look on her face, and I'm thinking "great, still no change, how long will they let me go like this?" and she gets a big smile and says "you're 10cm, you can push with the next contraction".
At first I didn't believe her. There was just no way I could be ready to push already, pushing was still far away as far as I was concerned. I asked her if she was sure, I was excited and a little scared. This was at 2 pm. She started taking the bed apart, let the Dr. know I was ready and at 2:30 I started pushing.
That part was odd. I couldn't feel it at all. My left leg/abdomen was completely numb, my right side had a bit of sensation around my hip and inner pelvis, but that was it. So I did what I thought was a push and everyone said "Great job" so I figured I got it right and kept on going.
The spot on the inner pelvis that still had feeling hurt a lot while I was pushing (found out later there was a loop of cord beside Eli's face on that side, so I'm guessing that's what was causing the problem), as was my hip, but otherwise there was no pain at all. It was a very slow descent - he'd come forward, slide back, over and over again. Ben did so great here - he'd hold my leg while I pushed, feed me ice in between and let me know baby was still coming. I kept asking if there was progress and if baby was tolerating it alright - I wanted to go nice and slow, but knew a lack of progress would be a bad thing. It was so exciting every time he came forward just a bit, and when his head finally didn't slip back there were cheers.
During the pushing there were a couple of bleeds - vaginal tears, nothing serious, but the Dr. still had to check them out. He was wonderful - very patient, laid back, never made me worried about rupture or anything else. Once he was sure the bleed wasn't serious he'd step back and let the nurse take over again. I was really glad of that - so long as he wasn't worried no one else needed to be.
Once we got to the point where he was below my pubic bone I had already been pushing for two hours. They started pushing me to pick up the pace a bit and get him out. I pushed as hard as I could (at least I think that's what I did, I still couldn't feel anything) and then all of a sudden there were more people in the room, there was a warm towel on my chest and the Drs (there was a resident there as well) were getting ready. I was in shock, it seemed so surreal. Then someone said he was crowning, and someone else said there's an ear, and I felt him turn inside me and then slide out.
And I cried and there was this little perfect person on my chest. And he was whimpering and coughing and breathing and turning pink. He didn't cry right away (but was breathing, so not a problem) and I just couldn't believe it. And then I lifted his leg and saw it was a boy and started crying. It was the most beautiful moment. I didn't care that I was naked and splayed, that there were tons of people in the room, it was just me and this perfect little person I had just brought into the world.
Ben cut the cord and after 10 minutes or so they wiped him down and measured him. While I was getting stitched up (which btw seemed to take FOREVER!) he nursed for the first time. They were a little concerned about my bleeding and so had to massage my uterus for a while and start another drip to keep me contracting, but it wasn't too horrible.
I had a second degree tear and a few minor tears that didn't need stitches. Eli had a little trouble regulating his body heat for the first day, but lots of skin to skin time helped with that - he didn't need to spend any time away from me at all. We were discharged on Tuesday and have been doing great since. There was a little trouble with nursing, but a trip to a wonderful LC helped with that and now things are just perfect.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The short story
Sorry I haven't given much information, it's been an exhausting week! There will be a (much) longer birth story coming as soon as I get time to finish it.
Elias James was born at 4:59 on Sunday, July 27th. He weighed 8lbs 2 oz and was 21 inches long.
Labour started (and didn't stop for a change) at noon on Saturday, contractions were 2 minutes apart by 8 so we headed into the hospital, at 9 I was all settled in. At 2 am my water broke, and at 7 I had only progressed about a cm from where I had started. At 9 I decided to get oxytocen and an epi, those were started at 11 (I was then 4+ cm). At 2 I woke up shivering and was 10 cm! I started pushing at 2:30 and he made a nice, slow entrance into the world!
He's perfect!
Elias James was born at 4:59 on Sunday, July 27th. He weighed 8lbs 2 oz and was 21 inches long.
Labour started (and didn't stop for a change) at noon on Saturday, contractions were 2 minutes apart by 8 so we headed into the hospital, at 9 I was all settled in. At 2 am my water broke, and at 7 I had only progressed about a cm from where I had started. At 9 I decided to get oxytocen and an epi, those were started at 11 (I was then 4+ cm). At 2 I woke up shivering and was 10 cm! I started pushing at 2:30 and he made a nice, slow entrance into the world!
He's perfect!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Labour
This has been an interesting week.
For two weeks I had been in "prodromal" labour - meaning irregular (but productive) contractions. Wasn't too bad, just a lot of waiting for things to get regular.
Things got regular Monday night and through Tuesday my contractions were coming roughly every 10 minutes, but were still rather mild. I had graduated into "early" labour.
And that brings us to today. Contractions are still (mostly) 10-15 minutes apart, strong enough that I notice them but not horrible by any means. So far it's been a long, slow process, but not a bad one at all. It's exciting to let my body do this on it's own, slowly preparing for the birth of my child.
Tonight Hana will be taking a trip to Woodstock to visit her grandparents, and we're hoping that will give me one less thing to worry about and might kick things into active labour. I saw the Dr. on Wednesday and she's pretty confident I won't make it to my appointment next Tuesday.
For two weeks I had been in "prodromal" labour - meaning irregular (but productive) contractions. Wasn't too bad, just a lot of waiting for things to get regular.
Things got regular Monday night and through Tuesday my contractions were coming roughly every 10 minutes, but were still rather mild. I had graduated into "early" labour.
And that brings us to today. Contractions are still (mostly) 10-15 minutes apart, strong enough that I notice them but not horrible by any means. So far it's been a long, slow process, but not a bad one at all. It's exciting to let my body do this on it's own, slowly preparing for the birth of my child.
Tonight Hana will be taking a trip to Woodstock to visit her grandparents, and we're hoping that will give me one less thing to worry about and might kick things into active labour. I saw the Dr. on Wednesday and she's pretty confident I won't make it to my appointment next Tuesday.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
20 Months
My baby girl is growing up so fast!
I had the most wonderful experience today. I went to my OB appointment while Hana had a play date with one of her friends (Thanks Christina for watching her for me!). When I got into the office, one of the other moms looks at me and says "oh, you don't have your little girl today!" - I explained and she turned to a friend who was waiting with her and started talking about how sweet and well behaved and polite and fun Hana is. Now, when I have my appointments, I let Hana just wander around the waiting room. She colours, talks, looks through magazines etc., never getting into any trouble, but definitely isn't one of those kids who sits quietly and waits. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to hear such positive things about my child from a stranger.
Hana is learning to set boundaries and express her will. There are plenty of opportunites for power struggles, but we're working really hard at avoiding them, empowering her with her decisions as much as possible, and letting her know we understand it's frustrating when we can't. At the same time, she's learning to share and to take care of others, as well as (hopefully) learning to contain her impatience when she has to wait.
She knows something is going on with me right now. She's been very protective of me, and has needed a lot of touch and re-assurance lately. Once again I am so glad I invested in good carriers! I don't know how I'd ever get anything done otherwise!
Her newest thing is playing pretend. She'll spend a long time standing beside the night stand in our room "cooking" and then pretending to eat what she's cooked. She always shares it too. She mimics a lot of things she sees us doing - like tonight spooning imaginary powder into a water bottle just like Ben does when he makes ice tea. She's also taken an interest in dolls - especially my cloth baby doll from when I was little. One day she picked it up and said "Maymay. Back. Wrap. Wrap Maymay back!". It was a proud moment for me! I cut a strip from some leftover fabric and now she has her own little sling. It's precious - see!
I love this child more than I ever thought possible. We have our moments when we both get frustrated, but it's always temporary and ends with hugs and kisses and lots of fun. I'm so amazed as i watch her grow and so proud of the child I see her becoming.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Things are moving
I had a wonderful appointment today. Apparently those contractions I've been feeling for a week are actually accomplishing something - I'm 1 cm and 40% effaced, and the Dr was touching the baby's head - all very good signs!
So now I'm getting anxious to meet this little one. I know, it could still be two or more weeks, but I really feel baby will be here before my EDD (July 18th).
So, help me guess. I set up a poll, just click here
and guess gender, date and size of baby.
This pregnancy has been SO different from Hana's, but she was also breech the whole time, so it's hard to say if that's what is making the difference or not. I'm still carrying on the high side (even tho baby is engaged), but that's mostly because I'm short. Baby's heart rate is always over 140, usually around 145 (resting). Hana was 6lbs14oz and was born at 39wks, but she was scheduled. I was just as sick each time, but in less pain this time around. Don't know if any of that info helps with the guessing, but there it is.
So now I'm getting anxious to meet this little one. I know, it could still be two or more weeks, but I really feel baby will be here before my EDD (July 18th).
So, help me guess. I set up a poll, just click here
and guess gender, date and size of baby.
This pregnancy has been SO different from Hana's, but she was also breech the whole time, so it's hard to say if that's what is making the difference or not. I'm still carrying on the high side (even tho baby is engaged), but that's mostly because I'm short. Baby's heart rate is always over 140, usually around 145 (resting). Hana was 6lbs14oz and was born at 39wks, but she was scheduled. I was just as sick each time, but in less pain this time around. Don't know if any of that info helps with the guessing, but there it is.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Affirmations
God designed my body for birth, all I need to do is trust and it will happen.
My baby knows when to come into the world.
Pressure I feel at my incision is not a reason to worry, just a reminder that I am a mother.
I can birth my baby.
I can breastfeed my baby.
I am strong and powerful, I can do this.
Right now my body is getting ready for birth, I will trust and listen to it.
My baby knows when to come into the world.
Pressure I feel at my incision is not a reason to worry, just a reminder that I am a mother.
I can birth my baby.
I can breastfeed my baby.
I am strong and powerful, I can do this.
Right now my body is getting ready for birth, I will trust and listen to it.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Birthright
As I get close and closer to the birth of my second child, I'm feeling compelled to reflect on Hana's birth.
It's something I haven't talked about with many people, mostly because many people don't understand. And those who do understand wish that they didn't.
Hana's birth, according to most, was perfect. She was breech through the whole pregnancy and so a cesarean section was scheduled for 39 weeks. I was prepared for the surgery - the IV, the spinal, the incision and what recovery would be like. Aside from being delayed over an hour, everything went according to plan. There was a bit of tearing to my abdominal muscles, and the anesthetic numbed me to my collarbones, but otherwise it was textbook. Recovery was fairly easy - I had no morphine as was able to control the pain with extra strength Tylenol. It was a successful surgery.
And that is exactly what it felt like - a surgery. I had gone in for surgery and came home recovering from surgery, and the by-product of that was this tiny little human that they had taken from my womb. In some ways it felt like I was bringing home my appendix in a glass jar.
Yes, I know, be thankful for medical technology, at least we were both healthy, that's all that mattered, right?
Except it wasn't all that mattered. I suddenly had this child that I was not emotionally, physically or hormonally prepared for. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I adored her and thought she was beautiful. But I wasn't connected to her.
For the first few days I tried to hide it, ignore it, anxiously awaiting that moment when I'd feel she was mine. As we struggled with nursing it got worse, to the point where she would start crying and I would just hand her to Ben. My inability to feed her just confirmed the feelings that she wasn't my baby.
For weeks I would casually remark to Ben that it felt like at any moment someone would come to the door to pick her up. Like she was just on loan to me and her real mother was somewhere else. Again, I loved her, cared for her, thought she was beautiful and wonderful, but wasn't attached to her.
I missed the first 12 weeks or so of Hana's life. I was present for it, but I don't really feel I was part of it. It wasn't post-pardum depression - it only involved her, and I wasn't really unhappy. we just had attachment issues.
I had used a sling every now and then from the time we got home from the hospital, but as I realized the feelings weren't going away, I started using it more. We also started bringing Hana in bed with us, and I would nap with her during the day. Most days, she spent at least 20 hours either in the wrap or sleeping beside me. I could smell her. She could feel my breath and hear my heart. I got to know every movement, every face, every noise she made.
That's when it happened. That's when it clicked for us. I was her mama, and she was my baby, and everything was finally right in the world. We spent months attached like that - even when she was 6 months old she was still in a carrier for 4-8 hours a day. She took at least one nap either beside me in bed or in the sling until she was 9 months old. Even now, at almost 20 months and 36 wks pregnant I will still lay down with her, hold her, or put her in a carrier when we're feeling disconnected. We have such a strong bond, such a wonderful connection. She's so secure, so independent, but when she needs it she knows she can always go to her mama for a snuggle.
This is probably the biggest reason I am doing things differently this time around. I don't want to miss that precious newborn time. I don't want to feel like a failure from my first moments as a mother with this child. I want to know, to prove, that my body, my heart and my spirit know how to bring a child into this world and connect with it. I want to know for sure that it wasn't because of me - some lack of compassion or whatever on my part - that we had such problems in the beginning, but that we were victims of misinformation and circumstances.
It's something I haven't talked about with many people, mostly because many people don't understand. And those who do understand wish that they didn't.
Hana's birth, according to most, was perfect. She was breech through the whole pregnancy and so a cesarean section was scheduled for 39 weeks. I was prepared for the surgery - the IV, the spinal, the incision and what recovery would be like. Aside from being delayed over an hour, everything went according to plan. There was a bit of tearing to my abdominal muscles, and the anesthetic numbed me to my collarbones, but otherwise it was textbook. Recovery was fairly easy - I had no morphine as was able to control the pain with extra strength Tylenol. It was a successful surgery.
And that is exactly what it felt like - a surgery. I had gone in for surgery and came home recovering from surgery, and the by-product of that was this tiny little human that they had taken from my womb. In some ways it felt like I was bringing home my appendix in a glass jar.
Yes, I know, be thankful for medical technology, at least we were both healthy, that's all that mattered, right?
Except it wasn't all that mattered. I suddenly had this child that I was not emotionally, physically or hormonally prepared for. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I adored her and thought she was beautiful. But I wasn't connected to her.
For the first few days I tried to hide it, ignore it, anxiously awaiting that moment when I'd feel she was mine. As we struggled with nursing it got worse, to the point where she would start crying and I would just hand her to Ben. My inability to feed her just confirmed the feelings that she wasn't my baby.
For weeks I would casually remark to Ben that it felt like at any moment someone would come to the door to pick her up. Like she was just on loan to me and her real mother was somewhere else. Again, I loved her, cared for her, thought she was beautiful and wonderful, but wasn't attached to her.
I missed the first 12 weeks or so of Hana's life. I was present for it, but I don't really feel I was part of it. It wasn't post-pardum depression - it only involved her, and I wasn't really unhappy. we just had attachment issues.
I had used a sling every now and then from the time we got home from the hospital, but as I realized the feelings weren't going away, I started using it more. We also started bringing Hana in bed with us, and I would nap with her during the day. Most days, she spent at least 20 hours either in the wrap or sleeping beside me. I could smell her. She could feel my breath and hear my heart. I got to know every movement, every face, every noise she made.
That's when it happened. That's when it clicked for us. I was her mama, and she was my baby, and everything was finally right in the world. We spent months attached like that - even when she was 6 months old she was still in a carrier for 4-8 hours a day. She took at least one nap either beside me in bed or in the sling until she was 9 months old. Even now, at almost 20 months and 36 wks pregnant I will still lay down with her, hold her, or put her in a carrier when we're feeling disconnected. We have such a strong bond, such a wonderful connection. She's so secure, so independent, but when she needs it she knows she can always go to her mama for a snuggle.
This is probably the biggest reason I am doing things differently this time around. I don't want to miss that precious newborn time. I don't want to feel like a failure from my first moments as a mother with this child. I want to know, to prove, that my body, my heart and my spirit know how to bring a child into this world and connect with it. I want to know for sure that it wasn't because of me - some lack of compassion or whatever on my part - that we had such problems in the beginning, but that we were victims of misinformation and circumstances.
Monday, June 16, 2008
To my Unborn Child
First of all, know that you are loved. You were loved since the moment of your conception, and before that, we loved the idea of you. We planned for you, hoped for you, prayed for you, and were thrilled to hear of your pending arrival. All day long I feel you moving, I usually have a hand over you, anxiously awaiting when I can hold you with my arms instead of my womb. Your father falls asleep nightly with his arms around us both, keeping us safe and secure. Your sister cuddles and kisses you every chance she gets. If nothing else in life, know that you are loved and wanted.
I know that through this pregnancy I have complained about the aches and pains, the pokes and prods, and the fact that you stand on my bladder (Which I had suspected and had proven on ultrasound). Never have any of those complaints been a sign of regret or unhappiness on my part. You'll learn through your life that sometimes I whine, but only in an attempt to share my experiences with those that I love. Feeling you move inside me brings me so much joy and excitement. I love watching my belly dance, love seeing how full of life you are. I can't wait to meet you.
I'm so anxious for that moment when I'll wrap you in my arms, close to my heart where you belong. You'll hear my heartbeat just as you have for your whole existence, and I will feel your movements just as I have these past few months. We'll look one another in the eye for the first time, but it won't be a meeting of strangers. We have always known each other.
I see your sister as the ocean - a powerful, determined force full of beauty and assurance. You I picture as a tree - strong, comforting, firm and beautiful. These are things I pray for you. I pray for you to be strong, to have a strength that comes from within, from your knowledge of who you are, of right and wrong and how the world works. I pray for you to be a comfort to those around you, to share their load without being overcome with it. I pray you will be firm in what you believe and in what you know, that the paths you take will inspire a passion in you that you could never dream of forsaking. I pray you will be beautiful in who you are, in how you treat others and in how you live your life. That you will see the beauty in all that is around you, never taking it for granted.
My precious child, through your life things will not always be perfect, they may not even always be good. There will be times when you'll be broken, or feel alone or afraid. There are times that I will be the cause of that, and I want to apologize in advance. No matter what happens, we'll find a way through it. We are never alone in this life, and there are times when it is not our responsibility to act, but to believe.
I so deeply want to instill in you a sense of spirituality, a desire to connect with the Divine, to seek Him out with all of your heart and soul and find your ultimate rest with Him. When I can not carry you, He will. When I can not comfort you, when I can not share your joys and sorrows He will be ever with you.
With all my love
mama
I know that through this pregnancy I have complained about the aches and pains, the pokes and prods, and the fact that you stand on my bladder (Which I had suspected and had proven on ultrasound). Never have any of those complaints been a sign of regret or unhappiness on my part. You'll learn through your life that sometimes I whine, but only in an attempt to share my experiences with those that I love. Feeling you move inside me brings me so much joy and excitement. I love watching my belly dance, love seeing how full of life you are. I can't wait to meet you.
I'm so anxious for that moment when I'll wrap you in my arms, close to my heart where you belong. You'll hear my heartbeat just as you have for your whole existence, and I will feel your movements just as I have these past few months. We'll look one another in the eye for the first time, but it won't be a meeting of strangers. We have always known each other.
I see your sister as the ocean - a powerful, determined force full of beauty and assurance. You I picture as a tree - strong, comforting, firm and beautiful. These are things I pray for you. I pray for you to be strong, to have a strength that comes from within, from your knowledge of who you are, of right and wrong and how the world works. I pray for you to be a comfort to those around you, to share their load without being overcome with it. I pray you will be firm in what you believe and in what you know, that the paths you take will inspire a passion in you that you could never dream of forsaking. I pray you will be beautiful in who you are, in how you treat others and in how you live your life. That you will see the beauty in all that is around you, never taking it for granted.
My precious child, through your life things will not always be perfect, they may not even always be good. There will be times when you'll be broken, or feel alone or afraid. There are times that I will be the cause of that, and I want to apologize in advance. No matter what happens, we'll find a way through it. We are never alone in this life, and there are times when it is not our responsibility to act, but to believe.
I so deeply want to instill in you a sense of spirituality, a desire to connect with the Divine, to seek Him out with all of your heart and soul and find your ultimate rest with Him. When I can not carry you, He will. When I can not comfort you, when I can not share your joys and sorrows He will be ever with you.
With all my love
mama
Sunday, June 08, 2008
34 weeks
I can't belive how quickly this pregnancy has flown by! Winter and Spring are a blurr and now summer is coming and baby is getting ready to join us.
In some ways I feel very unprepared. We have a car seat and I've picked out my diapers and plan to order them in the next week or so. And I sorted through Hana's newborn clothes and set aside all of hte gender neutral stuff. That's it. Baby will be sleeping with us for a few months until we get Hana a bed, so no setting up a crib this time. I'm determined t make breastfeeding work this time, so no bottles to buy and wash. I already have blankets and a bouncy seat and toys. Aside from picking out a new carrier there's really nothing else to do. It's so different from when we were preparing for Hana - I hope this baby doesn't feel left out!
Things are going great - baby is head down and very low - not engaged yet, but I do feel like I'm about to lay an egg most of the time. There have been no complications at all and there is no reason I shouldn't be able to have my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian).
A couple of weeks ago Ben and I decided to hire a doula. She's wonderful - very encouraging, supportive, open. Knowing I have her support eases my mind and take away a lot of the fears I have - she knows the hospital, knows the staff, the procedures, knows what my options are and the risks associated. It's her job to inform me, support me and encourage me so that I can have a wonderful, natural birth.
I'll get Ben to take some pictures of the belly sometime soon. Anyone have any guesses as to the size and gender of this baby? I'm carrying lower than with Hana, but she was breech and had her head in my stomach the whole time, so it's hard to compare the two pregnancies. I really have no idea if it's a girl or a boy, but we have names ready either way. I do have a feeling baby will be here before 40 wks, but that could just be wishful thinking.
In some ways I feel very unprepared. We have a car seat and I've picked out my diapers and plan to order them in the next week or so. And I sorted through Hana's newborn clothes and set aside all of hte gender neutral stuff. That's it. Baby will be sleeping with us for a few months until we get Hana a bed, so no setting up a crib this time. I'm determined t make breastfeeding work this time, so no bottles to buy and wash. I already have blankets and a bouncy seat and toys. Aside from picking out a new carrier there's really nothing else to do. It's so different from when we were preparing for Hana - I hope this baby doesn't feel left out!
Things are going great - baby is head down and very low - not engaged yet, but I do feel like I'm about to lay an egg most of the time. There have been no complications at all and there is no reason I shouldn't be able to have my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian).
A couple of weeks ago Ben and I decided to hire a doula. She's wonderful - very encouraging, supportive, open. Knowing I have her support eases my mind and take away a lot of the fears I have - she knows the hospital, knows the staff, the procedures, knows what my options are and the risks associated. It's her job to inform me, support me and encourage me so that I can have a wonderful, natural birth.
I'll get Ben to take some pictures of the belly sometime soon. Anyone have any guesses as to the size and gender of this baby? I'm carrying lower than with Hana, but she was breech and had her head in my stomach the whole time, so it's hard to compare the two pregnancies. I really have no idea if it's a girl or a boy, but we have names ready either way. I do have a feeling baby will be here before 40 wks, but that could just be wishful thinking.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
19 months
Hana has a new obsession - Fraggle Rock
May was a tough month - we all were sick, Hana got her last four teeth and there wasn't much sleep had, especially when she was refusing her nap. So I resorted to Fraggle Rock to give us some down time and Hana adores it. Anytime she sees me at the computer she asks for "Fraggle". My parents brought down a couple boxes of my old books and there was a Fraggle book in the bunch. She's slept with it at least 3 times now, and first thing in the morning she asks for "Book Hana Bogo" (Hana's book with Gobo). It's adorable.
Now that the teeth are in the sleep situation has become much more bearable. Looks like we may be getting her to sleep through the night right before the new babe is born. At bedtime she climbs the stairs, climbs into bed, kisses Ben goodnight and says "nap". Did I mention she's precious?
She's asserting her independence a lot now. The other day at lunch time she was all excited to get into her seat, but didn't want me to lift her up. This could have caused a huge issue, but thankfully her seat is attached to one of our chairs, so I just took it off so she could get in herself. I love watching her learn what she can do on her own, realizing she doesn't ask for help nearly as much as she used to. She's growing so fast.
She's so happy, she gets so much enjoyment out of life. Everything excites her. Right now she's lining up her crayons in front of me and thinks it's the best thing in the world when I tell her what colour they are. I wish everyone could enjoy life as much as she does.
May was a tough month - we all were sick, Hana got her last four teeth and there wasn't much sleep had, especially when she was refusing her nap. So I resorted to Fraggle Rock to give us some down time and Hana adores it. Anytime she sees me at the computer she asks for "Fraggle". My parents brought down a couple boxes of my old books and there was a Fraggle book in the bunch. She's slept with it at least 3 times now, and first thing in the morning she asks for "Book Hana Bogo" (Hana's book with Gobo). It's adorable.
Now that the teeth are in the sleep situation has become much more bearable. Looks like we may be getting her to sleep through the night right before the new babe is born. At bedtime she climbs the stairs, climbs into bed, kisses Ben goodnight and says "nap". Did I mention she's precious?
She's asserting her independence a lot now. The other day at lunch time she was all excited to get into her seat, but didn't want me to lift her up. This could have caused a huge issue, but thankfully her seat is attached to one of our chairs, so I just took it off so she could get in herself. I love watching her learn what she can do on her own, realizing she doesn't ask for help nearly as much as she used to. She's growing so fast.
She's so happy, she gets so much enjoyment out of life. Everything excites her. Right now she's lining up her crayons in front of me and thinks it's the best thing in the world when I tell her what colour they are. I wish everyone could enjoy life as much as she does.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Water
I've talked here before about Hana being spirited That discovery made a huge change in our relationship, and in our whole family dynamic. Understanding her personality, her sensitivities and her needs has cut power struggles out of the equation. I'm able to empower her, and to teach her tools she needs to cope with the intensity of her emotions, especially disappointment.
I've also learned the power that water has over my child. I know many people (myself included) who feel a sense of calm and peace when sitting by the water, or who find a hot shower or relaxing bath to be the perfect cure for all their troubles. Hana is the same way.
IF she's having a cranky day, water is the cure. Sitting her in her high chair with a few tablespoons of water on her tray for her to splash in is a powerful cure for a bad day. A shower or bath is like hitting her reset button and getting a second chance at the day. If she's in the middle of a fit and just can not calm down, putting her fingers or toes in cool running water brings her back to her senses.
It's an amazing thing how quickly and easily it calms her. Sure, she (and the floor) get a bit wet every now and then, but honestly that's much easier to deal with than a screaming toddler. It's also something that she'll be able to use herself as she gets older, a tool to help her deal with life.
I've also learned the power that water has over my child. I know many people (myself included) who feel a sense of calm and peace when sitting by the water, or who find a hot shower or relaxing bath to be the perfect cure for all their troubles. Hana is the same way.
IF she's having a cranky day, water is the cure. Sitting her in her high chair with a few tablespoons of water on her tray for her to splash in is a powerful cure for a bad day. A shower or bath is like hitting her reset button and getting a second chance at the day. If she's in the middle of a fit and just can not calm down, putting her fingers or toes in cool running water brings her back to her senses.
It's an amazing thing how quickly and easily it calms her. Sure, she (and the floor) get a bit wet every now and then, but honestly that's much easier to deal with than a screaming toddler. It's also something that she'll be able to use herself as she gets older, a tool to help her deal with life.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Simply Living
While living in Calgary I came to the conclusion that Ben and I had far too much stuff - especially for people who had only been married about a year. Our apartment was full, our storage was full, and there always seemed to be something on the floor to trip over.
The odd thing about having all that stuff was that the vast majority of it was not being used. That's not to say it was useless, it just wasn't serving any purpose in our lives.
So I did what any rational person would do - packed it away and ignored it until we moved and I had to do something about it.
Since then we've taken on a philosophy of simple living - trying very hard not to have excess, to reuse as much as possible, to buy second hand when available, and to purge as needed.
It basically goes like this - if I see something I *think* we need, we wait a month or so to see if we can still happily live without it, or if it really would make our lives better. This is a great way to avoid spending money on gadgets.
Secondly, if I notice something in our home is just taking up space, I box it up and put it in storage. If it stays in storage for a year without being missed and doesn't have any future use (such as books and toys for Hana when she's older), then it's already conveniently boxed up and ready to go to Goodwill etc.
Thirdly, we get accountability with our "problem areas" - for me it's yarn and books, and for Ben it's electronics and games. There are very strict rules about those things coming into the house, usually involving a bit of "one in, two out" philosophy. It's hard - especially for books because in my family it was basically a crime to get rid of a book - but it does keep things under control a bit.
I admit we're not perfect at this yet, but we're learning. Even right now I'm looking at our tower of rarely watched DVDs and wondering if it's time to clean house a bit. Anyone else have any tips on how to avoid excess in life and keep it simple?
The odd thing about having all that stuff was that the vast majority of it was not being used. That's not to say it was useless, it just wasn't serving any purpose in our lives.
So I did what any rational person would do - packed it away and ignored it until we moved and I had to do something about it.
Since then we've taken on a philosophy of simple living - trying very hard not to have excess, to reuse as much as possible, to buy second hand when available, and to purge as needed.
It basically goes like this - if I see something I *think* we need, we wait a month or so to see if we can still happily live without it, or if it really would make our lives better. This is a great way to avoid spending money on gadgets.
Secondly, if I notice something in our home is just taking up space, I box it up and put it in storage. If it stays in storage for a year without being missed and doesn't have any future use (such as books and toys for Hana when she's older), then it's already conveniently boxed up and ready to go to Goodwill etc.
Thirdly, we get accountability with our "problem areas" - for me it's yarn and books, and for Ben it's electronics and games. There are very strict rules about those things coming into the house, usually involving a bit of "one in, two out" philosophy. It's hard - especially for books because in my family it was basically a crime to get rid of a book - but it does keep things under control a bit.
I admit we're not perfect at this yet, but we're learning. Even right now I'm looking at our tower of rarely watched DVDs and wondering if it's time to clean house a bit. Anyone else have any tips on how to avoid excess in life and keep it simple?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Independance
Right now Hana is sitting in her high chair feeding herself yogurt. With a spoon.
I'm amazed. It's hard to believe that two years ago I was just starting to wear maternity clothes. That in such a short period of time not only have I become a parent, but that my child - that tiny being that started out too small to even see - is a person. A whole person, full of ideas, desires, emotions.
She's so independent now. She won't let us carry her up or down the stairs, or anywhere else for that matter. She always wants to "go walk". And she does go, she's fearless, once she gets the ok that she can explore she takes off and finds out everything she can about her environment.
She has wants and makes them clear. When they're not filled, she gets upset and expresses that, and then moves on to something else. When she wants help she asks for it. When she's excited about something she shares it with us.
I'm so amazed at how much she's grown and how quickly she learns. She's not a baby anymore, no longer fully dependent on me. But she's still mine, still needs her mama when she can't get back to sleep in the middle of the night, or when she feels like a snuggle in the middle of the day. As she grows our bond is changing, but it's still there, and still makes my heart sing.
I'm amazed. It's hard to believe that two years ago I was just starting to wear maternity clothes. That in such a short period of time not only have I become a parent, but that my child - that tiny being that started out too small to even see - is a person. A whole person, full of ideas, desires, emotions.
She's so independent now. She won't let us carry her up or down the stairs, or anywhere else for that matter. She always wants to "go walk". And she does go, she's fearless, once she gets the ok that she can explore she takes off and finds out everything she can about her environment.
She has wants and makes them clear. When they're not filled, she gets upset and expresses that, and then moves on to something else. When she wants help she asks for it. When she's excited about something she shares it with us.
I'm so amazed at how much she's grown and how quickly she learns. She's not a baby anymore, no longer fully dependent on me. But she's still mine, still needs her mama when she can't get back to sleep in the middle of the night, or when she feels like a snuggle in the middle of the day. As she grows our bond is changing, but it's still there, and still makes my heart sing.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Poked and Proded
Hana and I each had Dr appointments today.
She did great, she got 3 vaccinations, was weighed, measured and checked over. She did great with the vaxes, even cried less than I would have! She is now a whopping 21lbs3oz! Yeah, not so whopping. She's tiny - healthy and active, but tiny.
My appointment went well too. Baby is head down! That's just one more thing that makes this pregnancy so different from Hana's - she was breach the entire time. Everything looks great and I go back in two weeks. The only real concern now is getting my records from Alberta sent. We've been trying to get them since February and so far we have nothing. Not so good - they need my surgery notes.
So it was a big morning and we slept a good chunk of the afternoon. Hopefully the grogginess from the vaxes comes back and Hana won't be up all night!
She did great, she got 3 vaccinations, was weighed, measured and checked over. She did great with the vaxes, even cried less than I would have! She is now a whopping 21lbs3oz! Yeah, not so whopping. She's tiny - healthy and active, but tiny.
My appointment went well too. Baby is head down! That's just one more thing that makes this pregnancy so different from Hana's - she was breach the entire time. Everything looks great and I go back in two weeks. The only real concern now is getting my records from Alberta sent. We've been trying to get them since February and so far we have nothing. Not so good - they need my surgery notes.
So it was a big morning and we slept a good chunk of the afternoon. Hopefully the grogginess from the vaxes comes back and Hana won't be up all night!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Anti-bacterial products make me sick
Ben and I were away this weekend, which means we had TV. We don't have cable at our house, and aside from the news and Ben's games, our tv is never on. So when I do get to watch TV, the thing that sticks out to me the most is the adds.
I noticed a theme. Anti-bacterial products. From those Lysol wipes to a product that cleans the germs out of the s-curve in your toilet (so your waste doesn't get sick?) to a germ-killing pest control product (that's right! Those harmless (yet annoying) insects are carrying germs!!!!).
I have to say, these products make me a little nervous. Personally, I have no anti-bacterial products. Nope, not even a little bottle of hand sanitizer for the diaper bag.
When I need to wash, I use soap and water. If I'm being paranoid about potentially harmful things (like raw meat - eeeww!!!!) I use vinegar. If it's just general nastyness and not something that would make my family sick, I use dish soap (we trust it to get the icks off dishes (including raw meat) so why not other icks?)
The problem I have with all this anti-bacterial crazyness is that the bacteria we're trying to hard to kill has been around at least as long as we have. We've learned to co-exist. Sure, there are occasions where something gets out of hand, but for the most part so long as we're not being stupid (like eating raw chicken) they don't really pose a threat.
There is a need for exposure to germs - it gives the immune system a little kick and makes sure everything is working well, so that if we're exposed in large doses we're less likely to get sick. That's the basic premise behind vaccinations - a little exposure now to guard against a lot of exposure later.
Aside from that, there are good bacteria. There's also a craze right now for pro-biotics. They're in everything lately it seems. Thats because all these measures we're taking against getting sick end up killing the good bacteria that keep us from getting sick.
There really is no need to be so worried about germs. Aside from special circumstances (like hospitals) all this extra stuff can actually be harmful - and at the very least causes paranoia! Don't believe the marketing - there is no need for this stuff!
I noticed a theme. Anti-bacterial products. From those Lysol wipes to a product that cleans the germs out of the s-curve in your toilet (so your waste doesn't get sick?) to a germ-killing pest control product (that's right! Those harmless (yet annoying) insects are carrying germs!!!!).
I have to say, these products make me a little nervous. Personally, I have no anti-bacterial products. Nope, not even a little bottle of hand sanitizer for the diaper bag.
When I need to wash, I use soap and water. If I'm being paranoid about potentially harmful things (like raw meat - eeeww!!!!) I use vinegar. If it's just general nastyness and not something that would make my family sick, I use dish soap (we trust it to get the icks off dishes (including raw meat) so why not other icks?)
The problem I have with all this anti-bacterial crazyness is that the bacteria we're trying to hard to kill has been around at least as long as we have. We've learned to co-exist. Sure, there are occasions where something gets out of hand, but for the most part so long as we're not being stupid (like eating raw chicken) they don't really pose a threat.
There is a need for exposure to germs - it gives the immune system a little kick and makes sure everything is working well, so that if we're exposed in large doses we're less likely to get sick. That's the basic premise behind vaccinations - a little exposure now to guard against a lot of exposure later.
Aside from that, there are good bacteria. There's also a craze right now for pro-biotics. They're in everything lately it seems. Thats because all these measures we're taking against getting sick end up killing the good bacteria that keep us from getting sick.
There really is no need to be so worried about germs. Aside from special circumstances (like hospitals) all this extra stuff can actually be harmful - and at the very least causes paranoia! Don't believe the marketing - there is no need for this stuff!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)