Proud Moment?

I am so proud of my daughter and the person she's growing up to be. A little nervous about the coming year (because she's far too much like me), but also very excited.

Here's some snippits from today:

I had just deposted a screaming boy in his room (he was mad because he didn't want to use the stool to get on the potty and I wouldn't lift him on) and I had flopped on my bed waiting for him to calm down. The screaming boy opened his door and whined his way downstairs.
Hana: mama isn't here Eli
Eli : why not?
Hana: She's having a time out
Eli: Why?
Hana: she needed some quiet time.



And then later, I heard the kids (my two plus my neighbours 3 year old) playing on the stairs.

Me: Guys? What are you doing?
Hana: Playing!
Me: Playing what?
Hana: I don't know what it's called.
Me: Well what do you do?
Hana: I don't want....ah....it's hard to explain
Me: Woud I not like it if I knew what you were doing?
Hana: I'm going to go do my homework

Then I overhear her talking to the boys : Don't do that guys, mama wouldn't like it.

WIP Wednesday, week 3

I realize that this time of year I should be finishing up Christmas knitting, but i have a confession to make - I'm not really doing Christmas knitting this year. I do have that one thing that is slightly less than half done, but that's it.

Instead, this is what I've been working on:

Barter Mitts:

A friend of mine is going to help me decorate for Christmas, and in exchange I'm making her some cozy mitts and a scarf. Just need the thumb on the second mitt.

Perspective Socks also got cast on this week:

Green with coloured stripes or coloured with green stripes? This is going to be a slow going project - managing 4 balls of yarn isn't as fun as I had hoped (can't stand tangles!)

I'm also still working away on Ben's sweater, but it looks pretty much the same as last week (even tho I've added about 5" to it).


OTW:

Haloween Handspun:

I know, a little late getting to this bag of orange and black fluff, but at least it's getting done now, right? This is going to be some super fluffy/underspun two ply. I've got the first bobbin finished, maybe I'll get the second one done this week.


Recently Finished:

I actually got a couple things done between last week and this week!

The Tardis Socks just need to be blocked and sent off to Jen. My friend Krista did the last detail for me (embroydering Police Box on them) and I am eternally greatful.

I made some cowls for the kids too

It's cold here, and scarfs are a pain. They both love these and they took practically no time to knit. Hana was thrilled, she loves mine and wanted her own, except pink (of coruse).

Three years ago today I was supposed to be induced. I was 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I didn't want to be induced, so I was very excited to wake up with contractions. I had been having contractions regularly for a couple of weeks in the evenings (3-4 hrs a day, 8 or so minutes apart) but this was the first time I had woken up with them.

So I didn't go in to the hospital, instead just relaxed and prepared myself for my baby to be born. A few hours later the hospital called, and we agreed I'd go in for an ultrasound just to make sure everything was ok.

It was, so I went home and continued labouring. Two days later Elias James Perry was born.

This picture was taken on the 26th right before we went into the hospital. My wonderful doula was able to snap it between contractions while I was sitting on my ball outside.

It's hard to believe it was 3 years ago. My boy is so big. He's sweet and kind and helpful and funny and he has this grin that is so infectious. Right now he's laying on the floor happy as can be playing with his Thomas the Tank Engine as happy as can be. I sort of feel the same way about being his mom.

Eli - four months

Wow, what a month. It hasn't been easy. Actually, it was very stressful - I spent a lot of time in prayer, too much time very worried. In the end, I learned a lot.

I learned that just because you try really hard doesn't mean you'll succeed. I learned that no matter how strongly you believe in something that there are still times you need to compromise. I learned that things are not always all or nothing. I learned how strong I can be and what it means to put my child ahead of myself. I learned just how much fun a baby boy can be.

Eli got through the whole mess much better than I did. He never stopped grinning and giggling. In fact, he learned to belly laugh. He also grew. A lot. As of this morning he is 12lbs 6 oz - more than 3 lbs in one month! His growth has slowed a bit, which is good, it seems he's just about caught up to where he should be and we have the all clear from my doctor and don't need to go back until his 6 month check.

Eli is doing great. He's almost sitting. He's also reaching for things and gets such a proud look when he grabs on to something. He still loves to nurse to sleep, and has cut back to only one feeding a night. He's friendly, content, and loves to laugh. I'm so relieved, so glad he's gaining and that all is well. I can't wait to watch him over Christmas and see what this next month brings.

Lessons Learned

I've learned that just because you try really hard does not mean you'll succeed. I've also learned that sometimes succeeding isn't the most important thing.

Eli is now being fed formula. My poor son has only gained an ounce (30 grams) in the last month - and he had been underweight at that time too. We thought it was different things, we tried different things, but what it comes down to is he needs to eat. A combination of weak suck, low supply, and inadequate glandular tissue makes nursing exclusivly unrealistic for us. Even with meds, pumping every two hours, feeding every two hours and using a supplimental system we were unable to get enough into him.

It's hard, and heartbreaking, but not nearly as much as it was with Hana. I had much better support this time around. I had two wonderful LCs that I saw two or more times a week. I had family and friends I could talk to. And as much as I want to nurse him, it's more important that he grows and is healthy.

Eli weighs (as of yesterday) 9lbs 4oz. He's 3.5 months old. He's malnourished, and that has it's own concerns, tho we're pretty confident it hasn't (and won't) had an effect on his development. When the problem was discovered a month ago his small weight was an issue, but not a real problem. After trying everything we can and still not getting it up, it is a concern. I will be taking him for another weight check on Friday to make sure he is gaining and that there isn't a problem with his digestion or his ability to gain weight.

I"m still pumping 4 times a day and nursing for comfort (after a feeding to put him to sleep etc.). Pumping isn't very effective for me - even on the herbal suppliments and the domperidone I was only getting about 16 oz a day. He'll get one bottle of breast milk a day and the rest I will freeze. Now that I'm not taking the domperidone (which causes mood swings and depression for me) I know my supply will start to drop. By freezing my milk now I'm hoping he'll get at least some breast milk his whole first year. Not much, but some. I'll continue pumping until my milk is gone, hopefully at least until he's 6 months old.

Two

This time two years ago I was full of anticipation. I was waiting for Hana's birth - what it would be like when I got to the hospital, praying the surgery would go well, what she would look like, how I would handle those first few days.

We had a rocky start. Nothing went the way I had planned or hoped for. Thankfully everything was fine physically, but emotionally I was a wreck. My bond with Hana is one that didn't come easy - we both had to work for it, and it was so worth the effort. I wouldn't change anything that happened because what we went through made such a fundamental impact on who I am. Until I became a mother I had no idea how much one person could change my life, change who I am. Going through that rough time and having the relationship we have now assures me that we will make it through anything.

Hana is a light in my life. She's quirky, kind, sensitive, fun, loving. She's spirited, persistant, determined, creative and imaginative. She has a huge heart, an amazing mind and some of the oddest habits I have ever seen. Every day she makes me laugh, makes me thank God for how blessed I am to have her in my life.

Over the last year she's grown so much, she's a completely different child. She is a child now, not so much a baby any more. Last year she was getting up 3-5 times a night, now she puts herself to sleep and we usually don't hear a peep out of her until morning. She was just starting to self-feed finger foods and transitioning to a sippy cup, and now she's using open cups and feeds herself with utensils. She was just getting the hang of crawling and now she runs.

When I play with her and she grins at me and asks for a kiss, or when she's laying on the floor colouring, or even when she's in the middle of a fit and then realizes I'm there to help and she asks for a hug, I'm blown away. I never knew being a mother would be this good, that watching her grow up would be this conflicting. It makes my heart swell and break all at the same time knowing that each day she needs me less and less, but chooses to need me more and more.

Eli -Two months

I honestly don't know where the time has gone. IT seems like just last week I was in the never-ending labour and it was summer. Now it's fall and he's already two months old!

He's doing really great. Like Hana, he's a slow gainer, about 10lbs right now. He's lean like Ben is, but still has rolls on his thighs and a cute double chin. When he's awake his eyes are so bright! He coos and kicks and flails his arms. He loves smiling and sticking his toungue out, and when I talk to him I can tell he's trying really hard to say something back. I can't wait for the stories he's going to tell!

He sleeps great - going 5 or 6 hours at night! We're working on nursing without the shield and so far it's not going too bad, so long as he isn't tired. WIthin a couple of weeks we should be fine without it I'm sure.

He seems so laid back, so curious. He's very content, so long as I'm in the room at least. He hates the car, but will sleep in his swing. He loves Hana and smiles and coos at her when she tries to make him laugh. I can't wait to get to know him better as more and more of his personality comes through.