This time two years ago I was full of anticipation. I was waiting for Hana's birth - what it would be like when I got to the hospital, praying the surgery would go well, what she would look like, how I would handle those first few days.
We had a rocky start. Nothing went the way I had planned or hoped for. Thankfully everything was fine physically, but emotionally I was a wreck. My bond with Hana is one that didn't come easy - we both had to work for it, and it was so worth the effort. I wouldn't change anything that happened because what we went through made such a fundamental impact on who I am. Until I became a mother I had no idea how much one person could change my life, change who I am. Going through that rough time and having the relationship we have now assures me that we will make it through anything.
Hana is a light in my life. She's quirky, kind, sensitive, fun, loving. She's spirited, persistant, determined, creative and imaginative. She has a huge heart, an amazing mind and some of the oddest habits I have ever seen. Every day she makes me laugh, makes me thank God for how blessed I am to have her in my life.
Over the last year she's grown so much, she's a completely different child. She is a child now, not so much a baby any more. Last year she was getting up 3-5 times a night, now she puts herself to sleep and we usually don't hear a peep out of her until morning. She was just starting to self-feed finger foods and transitioning to a sippy cup, and now she's using open cups and feeds herself with utensils. She was just getting the hang of crawling and now she runs.
When I play with her and she grins at me and asks for a kiss, or when she's laying on the floor colouring, or even when she's in the middle of a fit and then realizes I'm there to help and she asks for a hug, I'm blown away. I never knew being a mother would be this good, that watching her grow up would be this conflicting. It makes my heart swell and break all at the same time knowing that each day she needs me less and less, but chooses to need me more and more.