The Use of Tongues

Another Voice: True Story

This is not the only story I have heard about people speaking/understanding other languages.

YHWH - Jehovah, Jireh, Raah and Rapha

YHWH - these letters appear together over 6500 times in the OT, a name for God whose translation was lost as it was unused to keep from the possibility of taking it in vain. Rendered as LORD in most Bibles, we loose the meaning. YHWH - the self existent omnipotent God.

Jehovah Jireh - the God who provides. I find it interesting that in Genesis 22, when Abraham is asked to sacrifice his son, his only son, the fulfillment of the promise of nations, he knows already that God will provide. His obedience is total, his faith secure, not matter what it is the LORD asks, He will provide.

Jehovah Raah - the Lord our shepherd. The 23 Psalm can teach us a lot about God. He leads us, He doesn't drive us or heard us like cattle. We can know His voice. Jesus used the wonderful language of the shepherd in John 10. The shepherd protects His sheep, fighting off evil. One person in my group had the visual of Jesus with a light saber.

Jehovah Rapha - the Lord our Healer. In Jeremiah 30:17 the Lord promises to heal His people. People who had rejected Him and gone their own way, people who did not listen to His warnings, people who were called rejected by those around them. Jesus healed many while on earth, not just physically. He healed spirits and hearts and minds. No matter what the cause of our pain, the Lord with heal.

El Shaddai and El Elyon: Almighty God and Most High God

These two names for God show different facets of God's power. El Shaddai is used a lot sorrounding God's promises, especially the promise of descendants to Abraham and Jacob. I would imagine that by the time Jacob heard the promise of nations he would have been a bit cynical, there had only been two sons born to his father and only two born to Abraham. Then God reveals Himself as the Almighty God. Almighty, able to fulfill the promise.

Almighty is also used a lot in Job, describing how God is Almighty when He provides and also Almighty when He takes away.

El Elyon is used talking about God's power and dominion and soveringty. Nebuchadnezzar spoke of the Most High when his senses returned to him and he finally understood God's rule over the heavens and the earth.

El Shaddai and El Elyon - God not only has the power to fulfill His promises, and the soveringty and dominion to see it done. The God who protects His people and destroys His enimies, who is just and righteous in His judgement. Who gives rest in His shadow.

Knowing for Sure

I love it in Calgary. Ben loves it in Calgary. The decision to come here was made after a lot of prayer and a lot of confirmation. There were a lot of doors that opened and a lot of things that made it a little eaier. Otherwise, we would not have been able to come here at all.

Now things are getting a little tougher. We want to be able to save up to get a house, but in order to do that we need money. We're ok with making sacrifices, but it's hard. Honestly, I don't know how it is going to work out.

Now don't think that I am regretting coming here, not at all, because I know...well, I knew, that God wanted us here. Now it's just having to trust that He still wants us here and that He will provide.

Nothing is too difficult for my God, but I still find myself trying to find the answers on my own, trying to make it work myself. I'm not so good at it.

I know God will take care of us, it's just one of those hard times right now. We'd appriciate your prayer

Elohim - Creator God

The first name used for God in the Bible is Elohim (Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, Elohim created the heavens and the earth")

Its interesting, Elohim is word used to talk about many gods, such as the gods of the other nations, but in reference to the Creator, it is always used as a singular (Elohim and He appearing together, instead of They, which would be more gramatically correct). Deuteronomy 6:4 says "the Lord your Elohim (plural) is one".

Elohim is used mostly to speak of God's creative power or to speak about God in reference to creation (such as the earth trembling before Him). Elohim is the name used in Jeremiah 32:27 "Behold, I am the LORD, the Elohim of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?" - understanding Elohim as describing the creative power of God, this verse takes on new meaning "I am the Lord who created everything, is anything too difficult for Me?"

To know God as Elohim is to know Him as creator, as able to make, remake, sustain and control. It is to understand that He has created the world with a purpose (Isaiah 45:18) and to realize that we are part of that purpose, and that as His creation we too have a purpose. To see God as Elohim is to be swept up in the realization that the God who created all the world, before whom creation trembles is our Elohim, cares for us, looks after us, is with us.

The Name of the Lord

Over the next few weeks I'm doing a study with my home group about the name of the Lord. It amazes me how the Lord has revealed so much of Himself through His names, and it saddens me that so often we ignore the importance of His names.

He is Father, Lord of Armies, the God who Provides
He is Peace, He is Shepherd, He is the Lord our Sanctifier

Knowing who God is, knowing the roles He fills in our lives is vital. Knowing that He is the Lord who sanctifies takes the pressure off of us, takes away the sense that we somehow make ourselves holy before Him.

I think it's sad that the names of od, the names describing who He is, are not used by many Christians, at least most Christians I know. I think we miss out on truly knowing God personally because we do not know His name, the most personal thing about Him.

Examining cynicism

My friend Dave is wondering about the cynics that seem to be taking over his youth. I offered some opinion on the subject, then he asked something along the lines of how to show that love is genuine and not driven by numbers.

In Christianity, especially with those who lead Christian groups, there is an emphasis on numbers - numbers mean people are coming, mean the ministry is working, mean things are getting done. They are a measure of success. It's even Biblical, in Acts and elsewhere numbers are mentioned.

But I'm not convinced that numbers are the only (or best) way to measure success. I mean, there could be 100 people at an event, but 50 of them could be there trying to hook up (especially speaking in the youth context), another 20 could be there to get away from their parents, 10 could have been made to go by their parents, leaving about 20 who actually want to be there. Yes, all of them will have the opportunity to "get saved" at the event, but is that really how success should be measured?

It goes to motivation - is the purpose of what is happening to "get people saved" (i.e. to get emotional, say a prayer, and not know where to go from there), or to bring people into a relationship with Christ (it is different, trust me). With too narrow of a plan, with too narrow of a focus, the measure of success would be how many people came to the alter, and to increase the odds of how many people do that, increase how many people come - success is numbers.

If the purpose is to see people move from not loving God to loving Him, then how many people go to the alter doesn't matter so much, because maybe only 5 took that step, but another 50 listened and didn't ignore the whole thing, didn't walk out when they had the chance, and might have changed their mind about this whole God thing.

Problem is, things like that are hard to measure....In fact, without knowing the person, there is no way of knowing if any change happened at all, so numbers themselves become useless.

I think the way to show people that we do not have an agenda is to not have an agenda. Have a purpose, but have the same purpose with everyone we come into contact with - helping them get closer to God, no matter where they may be at the moment. That is how we should love people, how we should love anyone. That will keep people from becoming lost and ignored once they "get saved", that will show people we really care about them, no matter what they do, think, say, or believe.

Loving people this way forces us to know them, to care about them, to want to help them. It takes away the pressure for them to do something, thus taking away the sense that we are manipulating or waiting for a certain reaction in order to accept them.

This may not cure cynicism, but it will take away the reason for it.

Amusement Park Spirituality

I took some children to an amusement park recently. It was a lot of fun, and I made an observation. People are willing to spend money, wait a long time in line, and all for a brief reward.

Basically, people give up personal rights (you have to stand in line, not go anywhere else) without hesitation for a brief enjoyment, knowing that the enjoyment will be brief.

But you ask someone to give up a little bit of money to help someone else, and they have a hard time. Or tell someone that they can't do such and such and they make a big deal about personal rights.

Taken to God, this means that people will not give up personal rights (like sinning) in order to gain an ultimate return (life with God).

So why not? Why are we so concerned about out own personal rights when it comes to our relationship with God? Why do we hold on to meaningless things and forfit the awesome amazing things that God has for us?

I want to spend my life on a ride, I want to enjoy every moment of it, hold nothing back....but from experience that is easier said than done.

Opposite Emtions

I was reading Isaiah today, where the prophet is speaking to thecity of Jerusalem, lamenting that when God has told them to weep and mourn because of their coming destruction, they are instead celebrating.

Do we do the same thing?

There are millions of people on the earth dying, starving, being killed, being abused, depressed, and any number of other things, and yet most of the time, we pay no attention to that fact. there are people who suffer daily, do we really understand this?

I personally try not to think too much about it because I can't handle it, I know I can't fix the problem, so I pretend it is not there. Somehow I think that is not the right way to deal with it.

On the other side, we can't focus on that stuff too much, because we also need the freedom and ability to celebrate all that God has done and is doing in the world. We need to rejoyce and dance and laugh and play and explore the riches of God's great love and kindness for us.

can we do both?

"for everything there is a season" - I think that's the key.

We need the bitter to understand the sweet, and to celebrate the good to fully apriciate the bad. The balance lies somewhere between the two. Acknowledging the direction the world is heading in while at the same time celebrating the work of God within the world.

A new view of Christianity

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a lot of praying, reading, talking, and all those other things I do when I'm reying to work things out. See, I was at District Camp this week, and I just really felt God speaking. Not just the general speaking, but direct to me speaking. Actually, it was more than speaking, it was sort of like an alarm clock going off in my spirit, waking up my soul. It was amazing and frightening at the same time.

I was thinking about how I live out being a Christian, and more than that, what Christianity really means. In one of the services I started journalling. The speaker said something along the lines of "We need a heart transplant, not just bypass surgery" and that set it off, it was as if those words explained everything that had been ringing in my soul.

God wants to change us. Becomming a Christian, getting "saved" has been simplified into a formula and perverted into nothing more than a selfish attempt to avoid judgement and pain. We comment all the time about people trying to be "good enough" to get into heaven without relying on God, and yet we use God to get into heaven. It's such a limited view of grace.

God desires more than just to save us, He desires to change us, to make us into something different. And all that work isn't just done so that we can live our lives and then get to heaven, it is done so that we can be a blessing to others, to expose them to the grace of God so that they can do the same for others. It is not about the destination, it is about the journey.

I talked with my husband about this and was shocked how hard it was. I somehow ended up doing the same thing I was fighting against. I was afraid to share what God was doing, because it wasn't "normal". I mean, yes, it's normal to want to be a blessing to others, but I'm talking about changing the way I (and many others around me) view what it is to be a Christian. The purpose, the main thing, isn't growing closer to God for ourselves, it's not just the feel good feelings of doing what needs to be done to "be a good Christian", it's taking that little bit of passion and love that we have for God and using it, nurturing it, watching it grow into something huge. It's breaking out of the mindset that this "CHristian Life" that we have is enough, because really, God's grace is bigger than that, He wants more, and we should seek after more.

After that conversation I started reading "A New Kind of Christian" (which I highly recommend), and a lot of what was happening in my soul was written there in that book, which was amazing, confirming, and just a God thing.

What it means to Hope

At church we're doing a series on hope, which is really good considering we live in a culture that doesn't hope. There are a lot of wishful thinking, but a wish isn't hope. In fact, in the middle of a wish there seems to be this little speck of doubt, this little part that says it will never really happen. That is why no one ever expects wishes to come true.
Hope is different. Hope has substance, hope says that whatever it is will happen. But the thing about hope, the thing that was said that really stuck with me is that hope isnot hope unless it is in a hopless situation. You can not say that you have hope unless you are at the end of your rope, unless all options have been tried and failed. Hope doesn't only need to survive those situations, that is the only place that hope exists.
I used to wish that my parents would change their mind about God and about religion. I say wish because, as much as I wanted it to happen, I really honestly felt like it never would. And I didn't do a whole lot about it. Now, I am hoping for it. Hope also requires action. There is no passive hope, hope dies as a person just sits and waits. It's like someone in the destert lost and calling out, hoping that someone will hear them. If they are not yelling, there is no hope.

Settling In

It feels good to unpack. For the past few weeks I have been living out of a suitcase. Now we're settled, at least for now, and it feels really good.

Sometimes I wonder if it's crazy that we're out here. This place feels like home to me, the people feel like family, and everything just feels right. Not necisarily perfect, but definately right. On the other hand, we need to get an income, a place to live perminantly, and other such things.

But I'm not worried. We were talking yesterday to a friend about how unlikely it was that all of this happened, and how easy it is to see how the hand of God was moving over the last couple of years, the voice of God calling us here. All of this is in His hands, and so it will work.

It's amazing, and strange and comfortable and exciting and everyting all at once.

Being a Mrs.

The other night I was introduced as a wife. It made me want to giggle and such, I felt wonderful, if not a little childish. Sometimes I don't feel I fit this role, it seems so much bigger than I am, so much older than I am, but most of the time, actually, even when I feel I don't fit, it still feels perfect.

In life we all have many roles that change and move, but some stay. Even though I'm "all grown up" I am still my mother and father's little girl, I'm still my grandmother's little doll, I'm still like a sister to childhood friends. It's amazing, and wonderful, how some things never change.

The Rest of My Life....

It's been a while since I've posted/ranted/typed anything because, well, life got a little crazy, and for the past few weeks I havn't really had internet access.

As of May 7th, I am Mrs. Benjamin Perry. It's a good feeling. I'm also done Bethany, finished classes and school work and such, at least for now.

And the only thing odd about the whole thing is that it doesn't feel odd at all. My husband and I were talking about that while on our honeymoon. We had both expected to feel this big change, to feel different, both because of graduation and because of the wedding, but we didn't. It was completely natural, comepletely right feeling, and good. Although I still don't think that being done school has sunk in.

So now what? We're floating til the end of the month and then heading to Calgary. That is going to be the biggest change, I'll talk about that later (oh yeah, building suspence).

So far I'm liking the rest of my life, hopefully it will continue being this good.

Inanimate objects

The post under the 18th didn't show up yesterday, and in fact didn't show up today until I posted my new one.


That's all I have to say about that

Loving People

I've been thinking about loving people a lot. So much so, in fact, that this is my second time writing this (I'll deal with my hatred of inanimate objects at a later date).

I was thinking about God's love, how amazing, huge, unfathonable it is. And what do we do with it? We say thank you, get all mushy, and then go on as if nothing has changed.

Ok, that was a little too general, but still, are other peoples lives different because I have experienced the love of God? I know mine is, but is that it, am I saved only for myself, or has God allowed me to experience this richness, the vastness of who He is for something that goes beyond just who I am?

I want to love people. I want to truly love and apriciate and affirm and challenge those around me. And not just the ones who love back, the ones who hate me, ignore me, theones that drive me crazy. And I don't even want to do it so they'll feel bad or maybe be nice to me. I want to do it because I have experienced the love of God, and I can think of no other way to respond.

Responding to love can be hard. Love is free, so you can't say you have to respond a certain way, that makes it sound conditional. But really, when you have been loved, how can you not love back?

About Loving People

One thing that I've learned during my time in college has been how to love other people. I was a very selfish person at one point in my life. I had a hard time doing something for someone else unless I knew there would be some personal benefit. Of course, I was able to justify this and convince myself it was completely normal, but that only lasted so long.

Sometimes it's hard to love other people. Sometimes it's hard not to leave the room when certain people enter it, sometimes its hard not to say things that really should not even have been thought, sometimes it's hard to listen to someone else and deal with their issues when really you just want to deal with your own. But everyone learns how to love, and these things are not such an issue.

Except when other people, the people you are trying to love, don't know the rules. The thought comes in that really if no one else is looking out for our rights and no one else is trying to do what's best for us, then we should step back in and make sure all is how it should be.

But that is not how it is supposed to work. God says to follow Him, Jesus is the example, and He gave Himself to the point of death. So even if the person we are trying to love asks us to die for them we must comply.

How many people have you died for lately? How many people have I died for lately. I still have trouble sometimes taking the dog out when my mother asks me. It really puts things into perspective, my petty little issues seem even more so as I consider what God has done for me, and then what He requires of me.

Would the world be different if we all learned how to love like this? Would lives change if they realized the true cost of love? I'm not talking about the world, I'm talking about those within the Church, those who have experienced the perfect love of the sacrifice of Jesus. Do they realize what that love costs, and the high cost of accepting it. No, there are no "requirements" on the love of God, it is not conditional. But how can a person honestly accept such a sacrifice and not respond properly.

Love, true love, will change the world. And I want to be a part of that

Nearing the End

A lot of things in my life are almost done. I'm almost graduated. I'm almost married. I'm almost ready to move. But not yet. Not quite. It's almost as though I'm standing at the top of a cliff, ready to jump, excited, anxious, wanting to just see it all happen.

but i'm not there yet

I need to remember that, remember where I am, remember that I need to be here, that I can grow here and learn here and help people here.

It's hard to be where I am when I'm so close to something else, something that I've been waiting for so long.

But I am here, I am in school, I am engaged, and I am in New Brunswick. In a few months I'll be mising all of this (well, maybe not the engaged part), and so I will try to get the most out of it I can

Spur me

I have a pet peeve. Ok, I have more than one, but I promise to keep this on topic, at least for the most part.

I hate fluffyness. The fluffy God that doesn't care what you do, the fluffy religion that has no requirements, the fluffy Christians that let you get away with anything. (note: legalism is also a pet peeve of mine, keep reading, I make a point)

Know what, in the Bible, Jesus asked people to change, and those who followed Him were told to keep one another accountable. Yes, God loves everyone, no matter what they do. But to take that love and not respond to it in action is....well, just not right.

I have a habit of speaking my mind. Over the years, I've learned that there is more than one way to clearly state what I mean, and so I can usually still get my point across without causing any harm or regrets. However, when it comes to "spurring" on another Christian (have you seen spurs?) I usually end up feeling like I should feel guilty, or checking myself to see if I'm being legalistic or "holier than thou".

Really tho, honestly and truly (and if you can prove me wrong on this, please do), I believe that if there is a Christian I see doing something that is obviously wrong and it's clear they know it (let's say, lying, stealing, sleeping around), then I will probably speak to them about it. Not scold them, not tell them off, but defiantly rebuke them. Why do I feel I have a right to do this? Because they have the right to do the same to me.

We may not like it when someone else tells us what we already know. We may want to justify ourselves or say it's none of their business, but really, honestly, we need to get over it. If we are sinning we need to stop, and the sooner we do that, the better.

I think this is something that needs to change within Christianity. I'm sure every hypocrite that has been exposed by the world could have (should have) been brought aside by a Christian brother or sister and rebuked, helped and encouraged before the problem got out of hand and our God was made to look bad (because really, that's the end result)

So if I am doing something I shouldn't be, please, tell me about it. I'm not saying I'll like it, or even that I'll respond positively (at least immediately), but I will appreciate it. And I'll do the same for you? Deal?

Things on my mind when I should be asleep

I'm going to share quite a bit about myself right now. Thankfully, it seems few read my blog, and so I'm not too worried about what anyone would think. Not that there are things in my life I am hiding or am ashamed of, but I know the picture people have of me is not entirely accurate.

I used to think of myself as a contradiction, there were parts of me that did not seem to fit together. For a long time I thought that made me different, odd, even horrible. Now I see that in reality I was just a teenager, different like everyone else. I did not know who I was, what I was capable of, who I would become.

Funny thing is, a few years later I'm no better off. I've learned from more mistakes, met more amazing people, but I'm still not sure who I am, where I fit in this whole thing. It's not a question of what I'm supposed to do (at least in the general sense), odd thing is I've got that down. But who am I?

I always hate those quizzes that ask a bunch of random questions about favorite things. I can't choose favorites. I have multiple best friends. I listen to almost ever style of music. I watch almost any type of movie that comes out. I can't do favorites, I can't pick something over something else. For a moment I might like it better, but then I know that will change.

That's how I feel about myself sometimes. I feel as though I'm still constantly changing, always moving from one personality box to another. There are people who know me in one context that would describe me in a completely different way than people who know me in another context (as an example, my future inlaws once called me "quiet"). Does this mean I have a problem? That I am not being consistent?

That's something I struggled with for a while, but then I came to the conclusion that there is too much of me to happen all at once. Those who really know me see it all, but some people only see one part.

unfortunately, it seems I don't always have control over which aspect of Stephanie people are seeing.

Not that there is a certain image I want to portray, but I do truly want people to know me. I want to be open, I want to share my life with others, and yet at the same time I know that sometimes people will see a part of me and not like it, no matter what part it is, and that could be the end of it.

And I have to ask myself, do I do the same thing? I try not to make judgments about people, try not to put them into a box (I hate boxes, no one ever fits anyway), but there are those inevitable "feelings" I get about people.

There are people I have gone to school with for 4 years that I do not know beyond an acquaintance, and have not made much effort to know just because I have a feeling we wouldn't get along or couldn't connect or some odd ideal like that. No basis for it what so ever. And I have a feeling some of them have done the same with me (or maybe I'm the only one with that tendency)

so now what? I'm rambling about wanting to share myself with people, and then confessing my tendency to write people off. Another contradiction, but one I can (hopefully) fix.