I may never eat fast food again.
Ok, that's a lie...but I will avoid it more strictly than I have in the past. Yesterday Ben and I were eating at DQ (forgot how greasy food is there...ick!) and I broke my tooth.
Much sadness.
So I have this hole in my back molar. I think it was a cavaty and just sort of colapsed or something. Now I have to go to the dentist and get it fixed.
I haven't been to the dentist in about 10 years. They use needles, and thus I'm scared.
Actually, I was scared, but I'm getting over it. I had abdominal surgery and to IVs and more blood drawn in the last year than I like to think about. A little poke in my jaw so they can fix my tooth isn't that big of a deal...I hope.
My appointment is tomarrow morning - wish me luck!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
My new obsession
(As if I needed another one....)
Bento!
It's not my fault. It's Jen's fault. She started talking about all the great things about bento and has a bento site and I just got sucked in.
It really is wonderful.
Basically you pack little containers with as much beautiful healthy food as you can. It means Ben and I are eating better, and I'm cooking more, which means we're spending less money too. It also means that we're getting cute little bento boxes from Japan, so it's really good we're spending less...
It's an art form that I've just started experimenting with. We don't even have our bento boxes yet so I've had to improvise, but so far I love it! So much wonderful, yummy healthy food!
So, if you're looking for a creative way to eat better, I'd definately reccomend giving it a try, but be warned, it can get addictive!
Bento!
It's not my fault. It's Jen's fault. She started talking about all the great things about bento and has a bento site and I just got sucked in.
It really is wonderful.
Basically you pack little containers with as much beautiful healthy food as you can. It means Ben and I are eating better, and I'm cooking more, which means we're spending less money too. It also means that we're getting cute little bento boxes from Japan, so it's really good we're spending less...
It's an art form that I've just started experimenting with. We don't even have our bento boxes yet so I've had to improvise, but so far I love it! So much wonderful, yummy healthy food!
So, if you're looking for a creative way to eat better, I'd definately reccomend giving it a try, but be warned, it can get addictive!
Thoughts
My church has been doing a very indepth study on 1st Corinthians.
I LOVE it.
Tonight was the first part of Chapter 4:
1So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. 2Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
With a refrence to chapter 5
12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?
and a throwback to Matthew 7:1
Do not judge or you too will be judged.
There was a lot of truth in what was said.
The first point was that the Matthew verse doesn't mean we can't make any judgements at all, but that our judgments, like all other things, come with consequences and paramaters.
Any judgement we make leaves us vulnerable to the same standard. That means we have to be very careful the standard we use. We can still recognize right and wrong, but at the same time need to have grace and understanding for different circumstances.
Which brings us to the 1 Cor 5 passage. This has to be one of my favorite passages, and one that is so often overlooked. I bet some people don't even know this is actually in there.
Paul doesn't think it's his business to judge people outside the church. He was a smart man, I agree with him.
See, there are laws of humanity, laws of the land, and laws of God. We're all subject to the laws of humanity - under no circumstances are things like the abuse of a child allowed. We're also subject to the laws of the land, however these may change depending on where you are. For instance, if someone in Canada is caught with marijuana they should pay whatever fine etc. is deemed necissary. If they're in, say, Denmark where the law is different, then it would be absurd to expect them to suffer the same consequences.
In the same veign, it makes no sense to me to expect those who haven't submitted themselves to God to ack like they have. There is no reason for most people not to have sex outside of marriage because they see nothing wrong with it. There is no reason for non-christian homosexuals not to get married because they see nothing wrong with it.
However, there is something wrong with "prayer gossip" within the church. There is something wrong with bitter, cuting remarks that are said "in fun" instead of openly dealing with issues. There is something very, very wrong with the hurtful, hateful things that people say to others "in the name of God". Yes, there is a truth that needs to be shared, that truth is God's love, not condemnation.
We've gotten mixed up on the gospel - it is Christ crucivied, dead, buried, and alive again, giving life and freedom to all. It is not ripping apart everything that a person believes and leaving them with nothing. That's spiritul rape.
The other part of the message was talking about who we truly are responsible to when we make our judgements. It's not those around us - inside or outside the church (because our judgements are to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds", not to hold one another down in guilt or anything else), it's God. In the end, we are accountable only to Him.
This is important, because no matter how sure we are of our decisions, of where God is leading us or the truth in our lives, someone will see a problem with it. Nothing good has ever been accomplished without some resistance. When we meet that resistance we need to remind ourselves of who we are truly accountable to. So long as He is behind us everyone else can step aside.
I LOVE it.
Tonight was the first part of Chapter 4:
1So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. 2Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
With a refrence to chapter 5
12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?
and a throwback to Matthew 7:1
Do not judge or you too will be judged.
There was a lot of truth in what was said.
The first point was that the Matthew verse doesn't mean we can't make any judgements at all, but that our judgments, like all other things, come with consequences and paramaters.
Any judgement we make leaves us vulnerable to the same standard. That means we have to be very careful the standard we use. We can still recognize right and wrong, but at the same time need to have grace and understanding for different circumstances.
Which brings us to the 1 Cor 5 passage. This has to be one of my favorite passages, and one that is so often overlooked. I bet some people don't even know this is actually in there.
Paul doesn't think it's his business to judge people outside the church. He was a smart man, I agree with him.
See, there are laws of humanity, laws of the land, and laws of God. We're all subject to the laws of humanity - under no circumstances are things like the abuse of a child allowed. We're also subject to the laws of the land, however these may change depending on where you are. For instance, if someone in Canada is caught with marijuana they should pay whatever fine etc. is deemed necissary. If they're in, say, Denmark where the law is different, then it would be absurd to expect them to suffer the same consequences.
In the same veign, it makes no sense to me to expect those who haven't submitted themselves to God to ack like they have. There is no reason for most people not to have sex outside of marriage because they see nothing wrong with it. There is no reason for non-christian homosexuals not to get married because they see nothing wrong with it.
However, there is something wrong with "prayer gossip" within the church. There is something wrong with bitter, cuting remarks that are said "in fun" instead of openly dealing with issues. There is something very, very wrong with the hurtful, hateful things that people say to others "in the name of God". Yes, there is a truth that needs to be shared, that truth is God's love, not condemnation.
We've gotten mixed up on the gospel - it is Christ crucivied, dead, buried, and alive again, giving life and freedom to all. It is not ripping apart everything that a person believes and leaving them with nothing. That's spiritul rape.
The other part of the message was talking about who we truly are responsible to when we make our judgements. It's not those around us - inside or outside the church (because our judgements are to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds", not to hold one another down in guilt or anything else), it's God. In the end, we are accountable only to Him.
This is important, because no matter how sure we are of our decisions, of where God is leading us or the truth in our lives, someone will see a problem with it. Nothing good has ever been accomplished without some resistance. When we meet that resistance we need to remind ourselves of who we are truly accountable to. So long as He is behind us everyone else can step aside.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Pan's Labyrinth
We rented it because of all the comercials saying how great a fantasy it was.
It was not a fantasy. It had fantasy in it, but it was a movie about war.
There were parts that were beautiful and sweet, but most of it was horiffic and burtal. It's hard for me to watch violence, there were a lot of time I had to cover my eyes. It was a very honest movie.
It didn't make war glamorous or romantic. Even the heroine was terrified.
I've been thinking about war a lot lately. Usually I keep my ideas fairly quiet so as not to offend people. I don't want it to come across as a lack of respect or appriciation for all the soldiers willing to fight for something they believe in. That's not it at all, I have admiration for anyone willing to stand up for what's right. The world would be a much better place if more were willing to do that.
My problem is with the way war is presented. I know it's unrealistic to think this world will ever be without war - there are too many selfish and cruel people for that to happen. Instead I take this stance:
It may be necessary temporarily to accept a lesser evil, but one must never label a necessary evil as good. - Margaret Mead
Pan's Labyrinth deals is set during the second world war, in 1944, Spain. There is a leader, there are rebels. Without knowing the context, one would be tempted, at the beginning of the movie at least, to sympathize with the leader.
It made me wonder, at the beginning of the war, how many people, individuals andleaders, took it for granted, maybe even saw it as good. It's so easy looking at things from this side to say how horrible it was, to class it as one of the worst things in human history (tho there are things just as bad, even worse, with more deaths, and closer to where we are if people would care to look....). Look how long it took others to get involved, how long people just stood back and watched things happen.
And it makes me wonder if 60 years from now people will be looking back at current times with the same mentality. There are horible, sadistic, evil things happening in the world that most people don't even know about. Either they don't care to know, or they're afraid if they know they would do something about it. We've been so brainwashed in our society, so secure. Most fear we feel in North America is fear of our own making, fear forced on us by our media and our leaders. In anyone's lifetime there have been a total of 2 attacks from outside. Asside from killing ourselves (school shootings, bombings, gang wars etc.), we're pretty well protected. In other parts of the world not a day goes by without people afraid of what will happen, without seeing soldiers walk down the street, without having to hide their ideas and oppinions and thoughts for fear of being mistaken as a "terrorist".
who is really causing the terror?
I'm saddened and I'm hurt. And I'm angry. I'm angry at the misinformation, at the skewed numbers, at the lack of coverage of other atrocities that people think are history (Like most things happening in africa, like the starvation and treatment of widows/orphans in India, the deaths of Christians globally, the continued sepritism and conflict in Europe).
I wanted to turn off the movie. I wanted to not think about it. But I couldn't. I couldn't let myself to forget, to not think about how evil this world can be. I don't want to be one of the masses that doesn't know, and therefor doesn't care.
I reccomend the movie, but be warned, it might make you think.
It was not a fantasy. It had fantasy in it, but it was a movie about war.
There were parts that were beautiful and sweet, but most of it was horiffic and burtal. It's hard for me to watch violence, there were a lot of time I had to cover my eyes. It was a very honest movie.
It didn't make war glamorous or romantic. Even the heroine was terrified.
I've been thinking about war a lot lately. Usually I keep my ideas fairly quiet so as not to offend people. I don't want it to come across as a lack of respect or appriciation for all the soldiers willing to fight for something they believe in. That's not it at all, I have admiration for anyone willing to stand up for what's right. The world would be a much better place if more were willing to do that.
My problem is with the way war is presented. I know it's unrealistic to think this world will ever be without war - there are too many selfish and cruel people for that to happen. Instead I take this stance:
It may be necessary temporarily to accept a lesser evil, but one must never label a necessary evil as good. - Margaret Mead
Pan's Labyrinth deals is set during the second world war, in 1944, Spain. There is a leader, there are rebels. Without knowing the context, one would be tempted, at the beginning of the movie at least, to sympathize with the leader.
It made me wonder, at the beginning of the war, how many people, individuals andleaders, took it for granted, maybe even saw it as good. It's so easy looking at things from this side to say how horrible it was, to class it as one of the worst things in human history (tho there are things just as bad, even worse, with more deaths, and closer to where we are if people would care to look....). Look how long it took others to get involved, how long people just stood back and watched things happen.
And it makes me wonder if 60 years from now people will be looking back at current times with the same mentality. There are horible, sadistic, evil things happening in the world that most people don't even know about. Either they don't care to know, or they're afraid if they know they would do something about it. We've been so brainwashed in our society, so secure. Most fear we feel in North America is fear of our own making, fear forced on us by our media and our leaders. In anyone's lifetime there have been a total of 2 attacks from outside. Asside from killing ourselves (school shootings, bombings, gang wars etc.), we're pretty well protected. In other parts of the world not a day goes by without people afraid of what will happen, without seeing soldiers walk down the street, without having to hide their ideas and oppinions and thoughts for fear of being mistaken as a "terrorist".
who is really causing the terror?
I'm saddened and I'm hurt. And I'm angry. I'm angry at the misinformation, at the skewed numbers, at the lack of coverage of other atrocities that people think are history (Like most things happening in africa, like the starvation and treatment of widows/orphans in India, the deaths of Christians globally, the continued sepritism and conflict in Europe).
I wanted to turn off the movie. I wanted to not think about it. But I couldn't. I couldn't let myself to forget, to not think about how evil this world can be. I don't want to be one of the masses that doesn't know, and therefor doesn't care.
I reccomend the movie, but be warned, it might make you think.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Withdrawn
I am no longer a liscenced minister in the Wesleyan church.
No, nothing happened, just a lot of thinking and praying. I've learned a lot of things over the past two years, and part of what I learned is that the Wesleyan church isn't really a fit for me.
First off, let me say that I see denominations as helpful, but not essential. In fact, if you look at 1st Corinthians and all the problems that were caused by people aligning themselves to different teachers, denominations can be a bad thing. They're helpful in that they bring people together who have similar tastes in regards to certain issues. That keeps people from arguing over some things (altho if one looks hard enough they can find anything to argue about...) and keeps some sense of unity. That's a very good thing.
So why did I become Wesleyan? So I could be ordained. Not that I couldn't be ordained outside of the Wesleyan church, it just seemed an easy route to go, especially since I was going to a Wesleayan college. I felt a call into ministry, and took the pastroal program, and ordination seemed like the natural conclusion.
Except that things didn't go the way I planned. I did church ministry, and I enjoyed it, but a lot of my passion was lost. It became work. I wasn't able to do what I was truly passionate about, and couldn't force myself to be passionate about what I needed to do. It didn't feel like ministry anymore.
When I felt led to step down before Hana was born I was a mess. I thought God was removing my call, or that it was some sort of test, or that if I did step down I would be failing somehow. I was so wrong. Since taking that pressure off myself I've been so much happier, so much more passionate. I've been able to study and learn and share and build relationships. I've been able to get to know people, really know them without an agenda (because whenever you church plant, no matter how noble your intentions may be, getting people in the building is a big pressure).
So a lot of my ideas and assumptions have changed. I will still be doing full time ministry, just not traditional church ministry, at least not anywhere in the near future. I've also had to reevaluate being a member of the denomination. I always had hesitancies about some of the membership commitments in the denomination (and I've learned many others have the same hesitations, so maybe eventually those things will change), but was able to put them aside. I was able to uphold them for the sake of my integrity - standing for the things I had said I would. Now I've realized that it better serves my integirity to not align myself with something I don't agree with.
I don't know what I'm going to do now. Well, I do, I'm going to be a wife and mother and friend and teacher and helper and do all I can to be Jesus to everyone in my life. As for a career, I'm not sure. I've always been drawn to counceling. I have a lot of admiration for Social Workers. I love being a full time mom. No matter what I do I will be ministering. I will be partnering with churches and will be involved in structured ministry - children's church, small groups, missions.
This whole thing has been going on since January, actually it all really started last summer when I felt the need to step back from The Summit. Ben has been amazing through the whole process. So supportive and always reminding me that God will lead us, that His plans are higher than ours. He's reminded me that I never planned on being Wesleyan in the first place, and has pointed out how much more connected to God and my passions I have been in the last few months. He's such an amazing husband and father, I'm so blessed to have him.
I have such a peace about this. It was scary at first, wondering what will happen and where it will lead us, but the good kind of scary, the scary that makes me in awe of God's love and provision and providence. We're excited to see where God leads us.
No, nothing happened, just a lot of thinking and praying. I've learned a lot of things over the past two years, and part of what I learned is that the Wesleyan church isn't really a fit for me.
First off, let me say that I see denominations as helpful, but not essential. In fact, if you look at 1st Corinthians and all the problems that were caused by people aligning themselves to different teachers, denominations can be a bad thing. They're helpful in that they bring people together who have similar tastes in regards to certain issues. That keeps people from arguing over some things (altho if one looks hard enough they can find anything to argue about...) and keeps some sense of unity. That's a very good thing.
So why did I become Wesleyan? So I could be ordained. Not that I couldn't be ordained outside of the Wesleyan church, it just seemed an easy route to go, especially since I was going to a Wesleayan college. I felt a call into ministry, and took the pastroal program, and ordination seemed like the natural conclusion.
Except that things didn't go the way I planned. I did church ministry, and I enjoyed it, but a lot of my passion was lost. It became work. I wasn't able to do what I was truly passionate about, and couldn't force myself to be passionate about what I needed to do. It didn't feel like ministry anymore.
When I felt led to step down before Hana was born I was a mess. I thought God was removing my call, or that it was some sort of test, or that if I did step down I would be failing somehow. I was so wrong. Since taking that pressure off myself I've been so much happier, so much more passionate. I've been able to study and learn and share and build relationships. I've been able to get to know people, really know them without an agenda (because whenever you church plant, no matter how noble your intentions may be, getting people in the building is a big pressure).
So a lot of my ideas and assumptions have changed. I will still be doing full time ministry, just not traditional church ministry, at least not anywhere in the near future. I've also had to reevaluate being a member of the denomination. I always had hesitancies about some of the membership commitments in the denomination (and I've learned many others have the same hesitations, so maybe eventually those things will change), but was able to put them aside. I was able to uphold them for the sake of my integrity - standing for the things I had said I would. Now I've realized that it better serves my integirity to not align myself with something I don't agree with.
I don't know what I'm going to do now. Well, I do, I'm going to be a wife and mother and friend and teacher and helper and do all I can to be Jesus to everyone in my life. As for a career, I'm not sure. I've always been drawn to counceling. I have a lot of admiration for Social Workers. I love being a full time mom. No matter what I do I will be ministering. I will be partnering with churches and will be involved in structured ministry - children's church, small groups, missions.
This whole thing has been going on since January, actually it all really started last summer when I felt the need to step back from The Summit. Ben has been amazing through the whole process. So supportive and always reminding me that God will lead us, that His plans are higher than ours. He's reminded me that I never planned on being Wesleyan in the first place, and has pointed out how much more connected to God and my passions I have been in the last few months. He's such an amazing husband and father, I'm so blessed to have him.
I have such a peace about this. It was scary at first, wondering what will happen and where it will lead us, but the good kind of scary, the scary that makes me in awe of God's love and provision and providence. We're excited to see where God leads us.
Monday, May 21, 2007
She's So Smart!
I spent a fair amount of time with babies growing up, but never had enough experience to realize how incredibly smart they are. Now that I'm a mom, I'm constantly amazed at how much Hana knows and learns and communicates.
For instance, since she's learned to sit up well, we've been putting her on the potty now and then. At first it was just another place for her to sit and play, but now she anticipates it. When we're on the ball we put her on every time she wakes up. She's learned that and usually pees (or even poops!!!) within a couple minutes of being on the pot. At first I thought it was just coincidence, but it happens pretty much every time. She's learning how to use it.
She also knows what the wrap is. Since she was about 2 months old she's always gotten happy when she's seen me get out the wrap, and it just keeps getting more and more obvious. It's something she loves and feels safe and comfortable in. She smiles and laughs while she's being wrapped.
She communicates really well too. She has different noises for when she's wet or hungry or bored or tired. She lets us know very clearly what she needs, and the look on her face when we understand is priceless. She gets so proud of us!
As she grows I'm just more and more in awe of her, of how she learns and her personality. We are so blessed!
For instance, since she's learned to sit up well, we've been putting her on the potty now and then. At first it was just another place for her to sit and play, but now she anticipates it. When we're on the ball we put her on every time she wakes up. She's learned that and usually pees (or even poops!!!) within a couple minutes of being on the pot. At first I thought it was just coincidence, but it happens pretty much every time. She's learning how to use it.
She also knows what the wrap is. Since she was about 2 months old she's always gotten happy when she's seen me get out the wrap, and it just keeps getting more and more obvious. It's something she loves and feels safe and comfortable in. She smiles and laughs while she's being wrapped.
She communicates really well too. She has different noises for when she's wet or hungry or bored or tired. She lets us know very clearly what she needs, and the look on her face when we understand is priceless. She gets so proud of us!
As she grows I'm just more and more in awe of her, of how she learns and her personality. We are so blessed!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I'm a hipipe
According to my mother, I've turned into a hipie...and aside from the pot smoking and acid dropping, I can't really argue with her.
I've started living life much more simply. I don't use commercial cleaners. I shop organic whenever I can. I cloth diaper my baby and carry her around in a long piece of cloth.
There are other things too....like my growing interest in homeopathy. If it were possible I'd have a water birth with my next child - at home. I have a complete disgust at the amount of chemicals and alterations that come with food. I have a growing frustration with government, especially when it comes to the war of terror. I distrust media and know I'm never getting the whole story. If given the opportunity to protest something I have issues with I'd happily participate.
I'm also realizing that a lot of the extras we live with and consider vital aren't really necisary at all. I'm mostly noticing this with baby items (we have a lot of stuff we don't use/need), but it goes with general stuff as well - altho no one can make me give up my computer!
I guess I'm just learning how to make life more simple and appreciate things more. I listen to music and read more. I spend more time walking and with Hana and Ben. We do things as a family. We're trying t keep things more natural because it cuts down on stress and makes things better for everyone.
So I like being a hippie...and I don't think anyone who really knows me is all that surprised.
I've started living life much more simply. I don't use commercial cleaners. I shop organic whenever I can. I cloth diaper my baby and carry her around in a long piece of cloth.
There are other things too....like my growing interest in homeopathy. If it were possible I'd have a water birth with my next child - at home. I have a complete disgust at the amount of chemicals and alterations that come with food. I have a growing frustration with government, especially when it comes to the war of terror. I distrust media and know I'm never getting the whole story. If given the opportunity to protest something I have issues with I'd happily participate.
I'm also realizing that a lot of the extras we live with and consider vital aren't really necisary at all. I'm mostly noticing this with baby items (we have a lot of stuff we don't use/need), but it goes with general stuff as well - altho no one can make me give up my computer!
I guess I'm just learning how to make life more simple and appreciate things more. I listen to music and read more. I spend more time walking and with Hana and Ben. We do things as a family. We're trying t keep things more natural because it cuts down on stress and makes things better for everyone.
So I like being a hippie...and I don't think anyone who really knows me is all that surprised.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Fluffy Mail
Ben bought me a Purple Waves Didymos wrap for our aniversary. Yup, I have the best husband in the world!
I wasn't expecting it until Friday, but got a wonderful surprise today!
It's so thin and airy and supportive and grippy and soft! Ok, it's a little stiff, but I'm sure that won't last long. Here's a pic in the box: (It's really not as blueish as it looks in the pic)
So here we are in our first ruck. She likes it
In fact, she likes it so much she fell asleep and I didn't want to disturb her when we got home, so I just took one strap off and left her up there:
Isn't she cute!
Her's a better picture of the colour:
I wasn't expecting it until Friday, but got a wonderful surprise today!
It's so thin and airy and supportive and grippy and soft! Ok, it's a little stiff, but I'm sure that won't last long. Here's a pic in the box: (It's really not as blueish as it looks in the pic)
So here we are in our first ruck. She likes it
In fact, she likes it so much she fell asleep and I didn't want to disturb her when we got home, so I just took one strap off and left her up there:
Isn't she cute!
Her's a better picture of the colour:
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Considerations
a lot has been changing in me lately and it's hard to figure out some times.
Since moving to Calgary I've grown a lot and learned a lot and my perspective on things has changed, especially in my beliefs.
I suppose some would say I'm going through a crisis of faith, but that's not it at all. My faith is secure. In fact, it's more secure and more alive than it's been for quite a while. I'm more aware of God than I've been. I'm more thankful, more reflective, more passionate about what it means to live a life with God. I see things differently, see people differently, and have a clearer sense of where I fit in the midst of it all.
So what's the problem then?
I was filling out my DBMD form late last night. Currently my ordination status is on hold until I'm done being a stay at home mom. The thing is, I don't know when that's going to be. I love being a mom. I love being able to focus on Hana, to spend time with her. I love getting to know other moms. It's taken me two years to make friends here outside of work, and the friends I've made in the past few months are so wonderful and it's making moving back east a little harder.
When I decided to put my ordination on hold it was really hard on me. I felt like I was abandoning my call, that I was letting God down somehow. I realize now that really it's just a clarification of my call. I see now that my ministry won't be what I had originally thought. I'm not sure if I'll ever be in official full time ministry - meetings, office hours etc. I will do ministry, and I am doing ministry, but it's something much different than I had pictured.
So I wonder where this leaves me for ordination. I'm also dealing with different ideas and issues towards the denomination. The main reason I became Wesleyan was because I understood and could support the doctrines and because it was necessary for ordination. So I feel no supreme loyalty to the denomination. Don't get me wrong, the denomination has been good to me and besides minor issues (none of which are any worse than could be found in any other organization I've ever been part of) I'm very happy.
Ben and I have been going to a Mennonite Brethren church since December and we love it. It's warm and welcoming and the teaching is wonderful. My point is - what if the church we feel is a fit for us and want to be part of isn't Wesleyan?
So right now I'm sitting with a bunch of questions and what ifs and things that I don't need to question but am. Like I said, I see things differently now. The legalism and hoops and right answers stick out to me, and I'm not sure how I feel about them anymore. Again, it's nothing I have against the denomination, these things exist in all organizations, I guess I'm just more aware of them now.
So thats what I'm thinking and that's where I am, and if you've gotten this far and have anything to share, I'd appreciate it.
Since moving to Calgary I've grown a lot and learned a lot and my perspective on things has changed, especially in my beliefs.
I suppose some would say I'm going through a crisis of faith, but that's not it at all. My faith is secure. In fact, it's more secure and more alive than it's been for quite a while. I'm more aware of God than I've been. I'm more thankful, more reflective, more passionate about what it means to live a life with God. I see things differently, see people differently, and have a clearer sense of where I fit in the midst of it all.
So what's the problem then?
I was filling out my DBMD form late last night. Currently my ordination status is on hold until I'm done being a stay at home mom. The thing is, I don't know when that's going to be. I love being a mom. I love being able to focus on Hana, to spend time with her. I love getting to know other moms. It's taken me two years to make friends here outside of work, and the friends I've made in the past few months are so wonderful and it's making moving back east a little harder.
When I decided to put my ordination on hold it was really hard on me. I felt like I was abandoning my call, that I was letting God down somehow. I realize now that really it's just a clarification of my call. I see now that my ministry won't be what I had originally thought. I'm not sure if I'll ever be in official full time ministry - meetings, office hours etc. I will do ministry, and I am doing ministry, but it's something much different than I had pictured.
So I wonder where this leaves me for ordination. I'm also dealing with different ideas and issues towards the denomination. The main reason I became Wesleyan was because I understood and could support the doctrines and because it was necessary for ordination. So I feel no supreme loyalty to the denomination. Don't get me wrong, the denomination has been good to me and besides minor issues (none of which are any worse than could be found in any other organization I've ever been part of) I'm very happy.
Ben and I have been going to a Mennonite Brethren church since December and we love it. It's warm and welcoming and the teaching is wonderful. My point is - what if the church we feel is a fit for us and want to be part of isn't Wesleyan?
So right now I'm sitting with a bunch of questions and what ifs and things that I don't need to question but am. Like I said, I see things differently now. The legalism and hoops and right answers stick out to me, and I'm not sure how I feel about them anymore. Again, it's nothing I have against the denomination, these things exist in all organizations, I guess I'm just more aware of them now.
So thats what I'm thinking and that's where I am, and if you've gotten this far and have anything to share, I'd appreciate it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Two years
Two years ago today I became Mrs. Stephanie Perry. Honestly, I hardly remember the wedding at all. I remember getting ready, I remember saying the vows, and I remember bits of the reception (including Travis's LONG speach and not getting any of the cake). The rest of it is just a blurr....
But the wedding isn't the important part, the marriage is. Over the past two years I've become a different person, a better person, because of having Ben in my life. I love him more and deeper each day.
But the wedding isn't the important part, the marriage is. Over the past two years I've become a different person, a better person, because of having Ben in my life. I love him more and deeper each day.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Back Wrapping for beginners
This is basically me bragging. Since learning how to do a russack carry (thanks Jen and Amy!!!) I've been addicted to it. And Hana likes it too. So I decided I'd show off and take some pictures since most of you who read this aren't that experienced with babywearing and might just be impressed with my not-even-close-to-expert skills! For more info (and better instructions on any carry/carrier imaginable!) check out thebabywearer.com
Step 1: Spread out wrap and place baby in the middle.
Step 2: Bring top rail over baby's shoulders and grab baby under the left arm with your left hand...ditto with the right arm. Make sure you're holding both wrap and baby.
Step 3: Lift baby up and uncross your arms. That will swing the baby over your shoulder and turn her around. Place baby on your back.
Step 4: Holding baby with one hand, reach the other hand behind you and tuck bottom rail of wrap under her bum. Be generous and make sure the wrap will cover to her knees.
Step 5: Still holding baby under the bum, bring bottom rail up on top of your shoulder under the top rail (the sadwitch method) Tighten both rails and tuck between your knees. (excuse the funny face...)
Step 6: Switch hands and repeat on other shoulder, making sure baby is nice and tight, tweeking as necisary. Baby should now be sitting in a nice little pocket of fabric that puts the knees higher than the bum. Tip: getting hair up before wrapping is always helpful.
Step 7: Take one side and pass it under your arm, over baby's first leg and under the second. I twist it a bit before bringing it under my arm but you can keep it spread.
Step 8: Ditto with other side.
Step 9: Stand up and tie off in front of around back if you have enough length. I tuck the tails into it so they don't bug me. Happy baby and happy mommy! (Ok, she's a little loose and a little low, but that's because I was crouched down on the floor and leaning over a lot. When I'm standing and not so leaned forward I can get her on better.)
She was up there for about 2 hours while Ben and I walked to the mall and it was great. No pain at all! I took her off while we were there to feed her, and put her back up (with an audience!) and it was super easy! I love this!
Step 1: Spread out wrap and place baby in the middle.
Step 2: Bring top rail over baby's shoulders and grab baby under the left arm with your left hand...ditto with the right arm. Make sure you're holding both wrap and baby.
Step 3: Lift baby up and uncross your arms. That will swing the baby over your shoulder and turn her around. Place baby on your back.
Step 4: Holding baby with one hand, reach the other hand behind you and tuck bottom rail of wrap under her bum. Be generous and make sure the wrap will cover to her knees.
Step 5: Still holding baby under the bum, bring bottom rail up on top of your shoulder under the top rail (the sadwitch method) Tighten both rails and tuck between your knees. (excuse the funny face...)
Step 6: Switch hands and repeat on other shoulder, making sure baby is nice and tight, tweeking as necisary. Baby should now be sitting in a nice little pocket of fabric that puts the knees higher than the bum. Tip: getting hair up before wrapping is always helpful.
Step 7: Take one side and pass it under your arm, over baby's first leg and under the second. I twist it a bit before bringing it under my arm but you can keep it spread.
Step 8: Ditto with other side.
Step 9: Stand up and tie off in front of around back if you have enough length. I tuck the tails into it so they don't bug me. Happy baby and happy mommy! (Ok, she's a little loose and a little low, but that's because I was crouched down on the floor and leaning over a lot. When I'm standing and not so leaned forward I can get her on better.)
She was up there for about 2 hours while Ben and I walked to the mall and it was great. No pain at all! I took her off while we were there to feed her, and put her back up (with an audience!) and it was super easy! I love this!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Pictures, as promised
For those of you who are afraid you'd be overwhelmed with Hana's cuteness and haven't already checked her pictures, here are some of my current favorites
Thursday, May 03, 2007
6 months old!
My baby is half a year old. Part of me can't believe it, where did the time go? The other part of me can't believe there was ever a time when she wasn't part of my life.
In the past few weeks she has become an expert at sitting. She can even grab her toes or any other toy that happens to be in front of her and then sit back up.
She's peed on the potty twice. Yes, I realize it's probably flukes and most people will think I'm insane for even sitting her on it, but that's two diapers I'll never have to change, how insane is that?
She still gets up a couple of times a night. Some nights this really bothers me, but most of the time I don't care. The first waking is right before we go to bed (around 11) and the second is at around 5:30, so it's really not so bad, especially since she goes to bed at about 8 every night and doesn't get up for the day until between 7 and 8 in the morning.
She wants to crawl. She lays on the floor and kicks and flails and wants to be moving. It doesn't quite happen yet, but she's working on it.
I've learned how to wrap her on my back. I know, this isn't one of her accomplishments, but you take 4 meters of cloth and get your baby on your back with no help and tell me you don't feel proud.
There's TONS of pics at her site, I'll put a few of my favorites up here once they upload.
In the past few weeks she has become an expert at sitting. She can even grab her toes or any other toy that happens to be in front of her and then sit back up.
She's peed on the potty twice. Yes, I realize it's probably flukes and most people will think I'm insane for even sitting her on it, but that's two diapers I'll never have to change, how insane is that?
She still gets up a couple of times a night. Some nights this really bothers me, but most of the time I don't care. The first waking is right before we go to bed (around 11) and the second is at around 5:30, so it's really not so bad, especially since she goes to bed at about 8 every night and doesn't get up for the day until between 7 and 8 in the morning.
She wants to crawl. She lays on the floor and kicks and flails and wants to be moving. It doesn't quite happen yet, but she's working on it.
I've learned how to wrap her on my back. I know, this isn't one of her accomplishments, but you take 4 meters of cloth and get your baby on your back with no help and tell me you don't feel proud.
There's TONS of pics at her site, I'll put a few of my favorites up here once they upload.
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