Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Fighting Well

One of the girls I work with asked me the other day if Ben and I ever fight. If you know me, you know the answer. I am a passionate fighter from a long line of good distinguished fighters both of the inebriated and non-inebriated persuasion. Over the years I've trained in various aruments and debates, honing my skills. What you may not realize if you know Ben and I is that he is a fighter as well.

Maybe I should clarify what I mean by fighting, I wouldn't want to start any nasty rumers or have anyone having misconceptions about our relationship. What I mean by fighting is that Ben and I stand up for what we think, feel, and believe, we're honest in those three areas which inevitably leads to disagreements which need to be sorted out.

It took Ben a while to learn how to fight. His (and most people's) reaction to conflight is to run and hide or otherwise make it go away. Basically he would back down in hopes of making me happy. It was a sweet gesture, but wasn't what i wanted.

There is something so special in knowing someone is willing to stand up for what they think, that they will passionatly share with you waht is in their heart and try and make you understand, even if the process is difficult. Arguments, disagreemnts, fights, whatever you want to call them, allow us to get to know one another, makes sure that there is nothing interfeaing with the relationship. But only if it is done well.

Ben and I have learned how to fight well. Or should I say we're learning how to fight well. Usually we can get through a disagreement wihtut any feelings hurt, but we're not perfect. We have rules. We can't go back over thigns that are already delt with. Thats been hard for me, i tend to bring up old stuff, it gets ugly. I've also had to learn to not raise my voice so much (and Ben has learned to raise his a bit). We also can't make things bigger than they are. We can deal with being frustrated because something isn't done, dealing with soeone being a complete and utter failure is a bit harder.

The most important thing about fighting well is to always clear the air before the end of the day. There are times that we do leave the situation still angry because sometimes fights start before work etc. but the day can't end until we're settled, happy, and have a greater understanding of eachother. We're not trying to win, we're not trying to be right, we're trying to understand and be understood.

No comments: