Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My kids

First of all, not only does it still feel odd using the plural of that, there is still a part of me that has a hard time understanding that I really am a mom.

It just seems so surreal sometimes to believe that I have the full time responsibility of two tiny people. It feels wrong sometimes - I'm only 25, right? On bad days it's easy to think of all the things I "could" be doing instead of changing poopy diapers and listening to Elmo sing the alphabet song. Sometimes my head is so full of kid stuff that it can feel like I've lost myself. Sometimes I don't have the time I need to think or process what's going on around me. Sometimes it feels like I've lost the ability to just be me without being a mom, to have a conversation with adults (let alone a conversation that doesn't involve kids). It can be overwhelming and frustrating.

But then I look at these two beautiful children and I'm just in awe - that I've been trusted with these two lives, that I've been part of the process of creating these two people, each with their own personalities and ideas and futures, it blows me away. They challenge me and help me grow, the amaze and entertain me. They fill me with so much joy I couldn't imagine being as fulfilled any other way.

1 comment:

Dena said...

I completely understand the frustrations of being a mom, and being a mom of two little ones. I sometimes feel schizophrenic! But, you're right, it does amaze me that they're mine, that I'm in charge of raising them well, and that they are so amazing. Yours sure are cute, too. Eli is starting to look like you, at least in that picture. And, yeah, it took me a few months to get used to saying 'kids' in the plural.