Balance

Life is all about balancing things, managing the tension between two extremes. Some days I'm better at it than others, but what I've learned is that something, inevitably, has to give.

I can't have a clean house and knit. Some people can do that, but not me. Something has to give (and if you've ever been to my house, you know what that is).

Thing is, I'm ok with that. I've completely accepted that I'm not going to be good at everything. I'm human, not some sort of superwoman. There are days my house is a mess, and nights I choose to watch tv when I should be sleeping, and I do break down and yell at the kids now and then.

But those things don't define me as a mother or wife or person, I don't feel the "mommy guilt" like I used to. I don't strive for perfection, but for consistency and balance. In fact, slowly I've been able to come to a point where I don't compare myself to others, where I don't feel useless, where I'm actually proud of myself (at least most days, no one is perfect, right?)

I'm not sure how this change happened - wether I got fed up or grew up - but I'm glad it's changed.

Not about knitting

I know, this may come as a surprise, but really the knitting posts were just to get me back in the habit of making posts, organizing throughts, writing things down. I hope blogging will again be a semi-regular occurance (even tho it's compeltely lost popularity, I'm either a hipster or commpletely uncool....or maybe those are the same thing....)

I find it interesting to go back and read my old blog posts. I laugh at myself a lot, somtimes I get nostalgic, sometimes I feel a little sad that I got all cynical and am not so....passionate....as I used to be (and this will probably be one of the posts I laugh at later, I'm not mentioning that some of my old posts are also a bit melodramatic).

The thing is tho, I can't be the same person I was. I can't be the newlywed fresh out of school ready to take on the world. I can't be the new mother so sure and scared at the same time. I need to be who I am now. Thankfully, I'm really happy with who I am right now, so that part isn't so hard.

I feel like I'm at a point where I can take all the best parts of who I've been and put them together. I've let go of a lot of the bad - there's been healing and forgiveness, growth and learning. Also, snark.

So once again this will be a catalogue of my thoughts and ideas and life. As well as regular updates on my knitting. Since I've started doing that I've been super prodictive (and still manage to at least sweep once a day, so it's not even a bad thing!).

What is this all about anyway

Blogging is something that I have heartfeltly avoided for the past few years. For a time, I had an online diary which was very similar to a blog, but it soon lost its novelty. The reason I stayed away from blogging is because message boards and random conversations had satisfied my need to share my thoughts with random people. But now time is hard to come by, and I'm actually seeing the merit of blogging, for those who read, it can offer great insight. I hope to offer insight, but if not, well, at least I might be able to cause a laugh here or there.

I suppose I should make some inital comments about who I am. I'm almost done college, I'm almost married, I'm almost out in the real-world. I guess I can say that I'm looking forward to all of those things, but I am not just living in the future. I am a student, and, as much as I want to be done, I am enjoying it.

As for these thoughts, I don't know where they will go. I have a habit of being very contemplative, of getting lost in things. I had always thought that I had a way of thinking differntly, and now I'm realizing that there are many other people who think the same way I do (the label we've been given is post-modern, but what does that mean anyway?), so hopefully at least one person out there will enjoy it.

Welcome to my blog, enjoy your stay. React to me however you want, I can take it...