5 Years

Yes, I know this is a little late. Better late then never, right?

Ben and I have been married for 5 years. Those years have included two cross-country moves, two children, 3 cars, countless jobs, a mortgage, sickness, health, lots of richness and a little poorness. And a cat and a bunny.

Through everything I've learned to love and respect Ben more. I leared so much about myself, things I'm proud of and things I don't like so much. And I've realized that being naieve about everything that we were going to go through was a good thing - I might not have gone through with it, I don't think in my wildest dreams I would have known how strong he is, how strong we are together.

I said before we were married that he is my kite string. A kite can't fly without a string, it just gets tossed around by the wind. He keeps me grounded enough to let me soar, tolerates my hobbies and passions, tells me when I'm wrong, and supports anything I put my mind to.

He is the most wonderful man I could have married, an excellent father and my best friend.

Learning Worship

Ben and I have been going to The Pool for almost a year now. It's wonderful for many reasons, but one of the most wonderful reasons is that my kids are learning to worship there.

The space is set up to allow people to connect with God in the way they need to. There are places to kneel, to pray, to be creative, to dance. There are candles to light and paper to write on, Bibles to read.

But more than just having those things available, it's encouraged that they're used, and it's natural to see it happen. People are encouraged to move around the space, to interact, to participate.

Along with this, children are encouraged to participate. There are crayons and papers available for them, as well as some books for them to look through. I don't feel the need to keep my kids quiet or entertained. So long as they are not being disruptive, they get all the same freedoms. It's wonderful to not have to try and restrain them while trying to worship myself - that never works.

So last Sunday an amazing thing happened. Hana sat with my friend Laura (because Laura was wonderful and willing to share her baby carrots). She sat there for a couple of songs singing. As Laura closed her eyes in worship, Hana watched her. At first she was concerned something was wrong, but after a little reassurance from me she closed her eyes too.

During another song someone got up and went to the art table. My curious daughter, not wanting to miss anything exciting, went to see what was happening. As Erin was drawing she passed some pastels over to Hana so she could participate too - connecting to God through art.

Once Hana was done there she noticed one of the older kids dancing. She joined in, turning and moving with the music and having a wonderful time.

I know that my 3 year old doesn't fully understand the meaning of what everyone was doing, but it just filled my heart to bursting that she was able to participate. For her it will be natural to connect to God through quiet reflection, through creative expression, through movement. It won't be awkward or uncomfortable like it is for most of us, there won't be that moment of "should I or shouldn't I" that goes through my head when I feel the need to do something other than just sitting there. I'm excited to see how that impacts her as she grows and experiences God for herself- excited to see what kind of worshiper she will be.

Remember me?

I know, I know, it's been forever again. Sigh.

I was reading back through some of my old blog posts. Remembering, things that happened, people in my life. I was a different person then. Here I go getting all sentimental, but I was so light, idealistic, sure.

Things have changed since then. I hate to say it but I think I've become a little cynical, jaded.

There were things that happened that caused a lot of hurt. Relationships were broken. Situations changed. I changed.

I think I've grown a lot in the last few years. I hope I've become a better person. Still, I look back on those old posts and I admire that person. I admire the optimism, the faith, the peace.

I think I needed to change, and to grow, I think in general I handled things well. I wonder if I can get back those things. I've gained experience and wisdom and strenth in the last few years, those things I'm thankful for and wouldn't give up. I'm hoping I can have a mix of both - the faith and the wisdom, optimism and experience.