I feel almost like I've been asleep for a long time. That foggy place between being fully rested and still exhausted. I am at a point when I realize I need to heal, and at the same time realize that is what I've been doing the last few months.
Last year was hard. I think most of the hard was due to overactive emotions caused by pregnancy. I think without those I would have been able to handle everything else much better. On the flip side, I think without all the other things I would have enjoyed my pregnancy much more.
I'm laughing a lot again. Not that I wasn't laughing before. I wasn't depressed, I just wasn't fully me. Like in a dream when you half know something but not really. I can't really explain it, but it's there.
I'm realizing that I need to settle. That I need a home, a routine, some predictability in my life. Too much has happened, too much has changed. Since I graduated high school I havn't lived in any one place for more than a year. We've been in this appartment since Jan. 1 2006 so it's the running winner, but it's still not home. It's not ours. Trust me, if it were ours it wouldn't look like this. I want a home. I want a place I can have a bath, paint the walls, not have to look at orange vynle.
Someday we'll be settled, and we'll rest, and then I'll start to get that itch for something new again I'm sure.