Love is a much over used word. Over my life I have told many people I love them. For some close friends I can not imagine another way to express my appriciation and devotion to them. In my younger days, the phrase "I love you" would far too easily roll off my tongue.
I would have an experience with someone. They would be handsom, sweet, charming. I'd feel feminine, beautiful, sensual, and I would equate all of that with love. Eventually, the feelings would fade and I'd become withdrawn and unavailable. They would get frustrated with me and eventually end things. It was always for the best, few of them were worth my time and none were worth my heart.
My first year of Bethany, I decided to make some changes. No more flirting, no more teasing, no more giving away my heart. I made a vow not to date, to take time to know myself and those around me. This went so far that when a friend of mine tried to set me up with Ben I was dead set against it. Besides, he was not even close to my type. He was a nice guy, very sweet, a good friend, but that was all.
Over the months that Ben and I were friends, he began to woo me. I can't descibe it any other way. There was no flirting (at least not the kind I was used to), no games, no pressure. He cared for me, sought me, opened himself to me and drew me in to him. Over that year I fell in love with him, and by the time we started dating I already knew I could marry him.
There have been times in my life when I have encountered aspects of God. His power, might and creativity. I have felt alive in His presence, grown to know myself better, felt as though I could take on the world. When those feelings faded, I have become withdrawn and unavailable.
Lately, I have been drawn to the story of Hosea, of Gomer and God and the nation of Israel.
Hosea 2:14 speaks of wooing, of the lover drawing His love away from all others and "speaking kindly". I feel as though lately God has been wooing me, causing me to run away with Him, drawing me in, caring for me, opening Himself to me.
I am in awe of God, and I think now I am finally beginnig to truly fall in love with God
better late than never I guess....
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
I have a question...
for those of you who know how to do fancy things to your blog...i have two 26 second clips of my baby that I would like to put on my blog. They're both in avi format, but ben also has them in quicktime format. How do I make it work?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Provision
The way that God provides astounds me every time.
Dan and Joy almost had to leave for the States because Canada was being stupid and wouldn't let Dan have a job. After the last minute they were provided for.
Ben has gotten a new position at work, with better pay, making it more likly that I won't have to go back to work early after the baby is born.
The church is swamped because everyone is having to work bivocationally and administrative stuff takes a lot of time. There is someone interested in coming here and doing admin work.
When my heart is troubled I need to trust in God, my Jehovah Jireh, the Great Provider. All things on earth rest in His hands.
Dan and Joy almost had to leave for the States because Canada was being stupid and wouldn't let Dan have a job. After the last minute they were provided for.
Ben has gotten a new position at work, with better pay, making it more likly that I won't have to go back to work early after the baby is born.
The church is swamped because everyone is having to work bivocationally and administrative stuff takes a lot of time. There is someone interested in coming here and doing admin work.
When my heart is troubled I need to trust in God, my Jehovah Jireh, the Great Provider. All things on earth rest in His hands.
Friday, June 02, 2006
A thought on Freedom
I was talking to a friend the other day about spiritual bondage, and it got me thinking.
We are told that "If Christ has set you free, then you are free indeed." and yet very few Christians that I have met have not experiences some sort of spiritual bondage. The two don't seem to go together.
My thought is this - we are made free by Christ, but our bondage is really our inability to accapt that freedom. We are plagued by guilt, by feelings of inadequicy, by a sient hidden fear that God really doesn't love us and didn't forgive us.
I think of it this way. When we begin our lives we are chained to a wall far from God. The more "active" we are in our sinful lives the more chains bind us. When We accapt Christ, the chains are unlocked and we are free to move toward God.
Then, as we start moving forward, we are smetmes held back by those same chains. They arn't wrapped around us, bidning us anymore, but trailing behind us so that we are pretty much unaware until we reach their limit - like a dog who forgets they're tied in a yard.
Then there comes a choice - do we remove the chain that Christ has already unlocked, or, because that sounds just completely too simple, do we struggle against it, pulling and trying until it breaks.
Both methods may free us from the chain, but I think the struggle method ignores the freedom that Christhas given us.
For when we are set free, we are free indeed.
Now, I admit that there are some chains that we are unaware of, that we refuse to acknowledge or that we are stubborn and will not walk away from. Those ones are more difficult because each of those situations adds chains of their own.
As I have grown in Christ I have had to deal with my chains. One of the most difficult was my self injury and all the things associated with it. It took me a long time to be able to end that battle, and I couldn't understand why. Why would God forgive me and free me, and then leave me there to struggle.
I'm starting to understand now that the struggle was not me having to battle and break this bondage, but my needing to get over myself, my guilt and insecurities, and accapt the freedom that God has so graciously lavished on me. There were still struggles associated with it, still consequences that needed to be delt with, but that is made much easier when we have the assurance that the battle is over, that we are truly free.
There are so many people I know that live their lives in a struggle, in a constant never ending battle with their past, fighting to keep it away from who they are in Christ. That is not the life that God intends us to live.
If Christ has set you free, then you are free indeed.
we will walk in Your freedom, walk in Your liberty
We will dance in Your freedom, dance in Your liberty
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
We are told that "If Christ has set you free, then you are free indeed." and yet very few Christians that I have met have not experiences some sort of spiritual bondage. The two don't seem to go together.
My thought is this - we are made free by Christ, but our bondage is really our inability to accapt that freedom. We are plagued by guilt, by feelings of inadequicy, by a sient hidden fear that God really doesn't love us and didn't forgive us.
I think of it this way. When we begin our lives we are chained to a wall far from God. The more "active" we are in our sinful lives the more chains bind us. When We accapt Christ, the chains are unlocked and we are free to move toward God.
Then, as we start moving forward, we are smetmes held back by those same chains. They arn't wrapped around us, bidning us anymore, but trailing behind us so that we are pretty much unaware until we reach their limit - like a dog who forgets they're tied in a yard.
Then there comes a choice - do we remove the chain that Christ has already unlocked, or, because that sounds just completely too simple, do we struggle against it, pulling and trying until it breaks.
Both methods may free us from the chain, but I think the struggle method ignores the freedom that Christhas given us.
For when we are set free, we are free indeed.
Now, I admit that there are some chains that we are unaware of, that we refuse to acknowledge or that we are stubborn and will not walk away from. Those ones are more difficult because each of those situations adds chains of their own.
As I have grown in Christ I have had to deal with my chains. One of the most difficult was my self injury and all the things associated with it. It took me a long time to be able to end that battle, and I couldn't understand why. Why would God forgive me and free me, and then leave me there to struggle.
I'm starting to understand now that the struggle was not me having to battle and break this bondage, but my needing to get over myself, my guilt and insecurities, and accapt the freedom that God has so graciously lavished on me. There were still struggles associated with it, still consequences that needed to be delt with, but that is made much easier when we have the assurance that the battle is over, that we are truly free.
There are so many people I know that live their lives in a struggle, in a constant never ending battle with their past, fighting to keep it away from who they are in Christ. That is not the life that God intends us to live.
If Christ has set you free, then you are free indeed.
we will walk in Your freedom, walk in Your liberty
We will dance in Your freedom, dance in Your liberty
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
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