i feel frustrated nd hurt and confused, and yet more alive and passionate than i have felt for quite a while.
The past year has been a blurr. In the past year(ish) i have:
- lived alone in my first apartment
- gotten married
- moved across the country
- started working at a church
- been bivocational
- learned how to drive a stick
- traveled to South Dakoda and Chicago
- quit 3 jobs
- gotten an appartment
- gotten pregnant
that's a lot to cram into a year. I think my brain sort of shut down for most of it, and now is starting to wake up. I almost feel like I've missed the last year
so part of me is grieving - grieving over wasted time, missed opportunities, forgotten moments and neglected relationships
and part of me is excited - i feel the joy over all of these events that I didn't really get to experience because of all the stress (good and bad) involved in each event
Then there are all the new/regular things I need to deal with. I've come to a few concusions lately - and I know there are things that need to change in my life, but due to some circumstances, I feel a little stuck.
The best thing of all is that my passion is returning - my desires, my drive, my heart for God and those around me. Instead of existing I want to live, want to make a difference, want to experience all that there is around me.
I love being pregnant right now. Every now and then I wonder if I can feel the life that is inside me moving around. Maybe it's wishful thinking...maybe not. Either way it's a wonderful thought. Everytime I see anything baby related I sort of tear up a little with anticipation. I heard the heartbeat yesterday and a lot of my fears and worries are melting away.
I love being married. We've been husband and wife for a year and I have grown more and more in love with Ben and more proud and apriciative of who he is.
THi has been a big year, and I have a feeling things won't slow down for a while. And I'm thrilled