In a few months I am going to be experiencing a lot of life changes. I will graduate with a BA, I will get married, I will move accros the country for a job. In other words, I will grow up.
So what does that really mean? I'm already an adult, and while I will technically be older at the end of all those changes than I was at the beginning, no real time will have passed. I don't think there will be many changes in my personality either, at least I hope not.
What is growing up? When does it happen and what does it look like? These are questions I have found myself asking quite frequently as I start to realize all the things that will be changing. I think it cold be fear that certian parts of my personality - my playfulness and prusuit of the positive and the humerous - will have to be cut out, or at least toned down.
Part of it could have to do with the nature of my vocation. I am going to be a pastor. I've already been told by a few people that I don't seem like a pastor (which I have taken as a compliment), but at the same time there are certain expectations that I will need to live up to. There is a certain maturity and ammount of leadership and credibility that is expected.
However, those are both very internal things. It's unfortunate that people are very bad at evaluating the internal, except through using external evidence. They should learn the secret of the fox "the important things can only be seen with the heart" (the little prince). I know there will be a certain image that I will need to portray, at least in some situations. However, if it is only an image, and not truly who I am, than it is worthless, a lie, and will be found out eventually anyway.
So truly, there will need to be a change in me, or perhaps not. I could, at this very moment, be just as mature and just as capable of leading as I will be when I graduate, get married, and take the position as a pastor. Could it be that there is no change needed at all, but that I only need to assume these roles using the characteristics I already posess. This would definatly be a much beter option.
The basis for this questioning is the changes I have seen in friends of mine as they have gone through similar experiences. They have changed, so much to the point that they are no longer the people I knew. Was their former life so horrible that it all needed to be abandoned for this new life? Which was the farce, their poersonality before, or that now? I do not want people to be asking the same questions about me.